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Teen Poetry #4
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The Day After
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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The Day After |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg 
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the sky is gone too many ghosts eternal dawn it's raining my heart is dead so many ghosts desire unfed i'm bleeding the land is ash where have I gone? a lonely cache remaining my food is bone where have we gone? I'm so alone I'm eating the horizon what have we done? it stretches on forever the crystal earth what have I done? to enter birth how clever [This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 02-03-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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anomaly187 Member
since 2000-06-15
Posts 284San Francisco,CA,US |
Holy ----!(scuse my cursing) but i have to say this is amazing!!!..so good i wish i could write like it..you serve as an incredible inspiration around here and you better stay for a long time.. "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro" |
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katherine Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365Canberra Australia |
great poem allan yet agian |
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the day i tried to live Junior Member
since 2001-02-03
Posts 27the seventh circle |
*hehe* reminds me of the lyrics to a Moby song... *hums to self* hmmm... very good job... i'm not sure it would elicit curses of praise (now there's an oxymoron for you), but certainly earns my admiration |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Ok hey I really liked this one Allan. I liked the ryhme scheme and the formatting of this poem. Over all a very great style here. Very well done!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Angel in Flight Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381 |
Good job, Allan. Keep posting for us all. Suit yourself~The most powerful phrase a person can ever say. Once you hear it you will never be the same. |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Allan, wow...umm...for once I am lost for words. It doesn't happen often and I am so mesmerised by this piece. It is just totally amazing. Your words have painted a picture in my mind that is going to be hard to forget about. This is one for the library. ~AF~ "Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." Buddha |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
Allan, I think this is your best piece that I've read. I belive that your inspiration is back now and it is really helping out in your writing. The style was obviously very meaningful because it seemed to form into the ending very well. Thanks for the read bro. -Jeremy "I believe that man will not merely endure: he will prevail. -William Faulkner (Noble Prize Speech.) |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
I agree with Dopey, and very good job  "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Amazing --- you obviously have a talent in writing. good job on this one. I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
This was good, however, I'm afraid it flew a little too far over my head.... hehe. Sorry! If you'd care to explain, that'd be helpful. Thanks! xoxo Jenn  "I'm a big, big, girl, in a big, big world, it's not a big, big thing if you leave me, but I do feel, that I will miss you much..." Emilia |
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HiddenSparklez Member
since 2000-12-29
Posts 190British Columbia, Canada |
Hmmm... and you say you're sixteen? WoW! Your pieces are always a challenge to find the hidden meaning, that's why I love your work! Keep it up!  "You do what you do, you say what you say, you try to be everything to everyone... come on now, do that stupid dance for me" -Everclear |
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aLLaLONE New Member
since 2000-09-25
Posts 7 |
this is a great poem. It has a life to it that I haven't seen in other poems. For some reason I really like the layout. Great job!! |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
The format of this poem goes great! I love this! Another amazing job, Allan. Keep posting  --Marie I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am. |
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Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
I agree with annonomally187. THIS IS SO AWESOME!!!!!!! I LOVE IT~ I wish people would stop telling me that I can do anything I want to. I never thought that I couldn't. |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
I must admit that this is one of your only pieces I have read but from now on i'm going to read them all this truly superb. Zu Love is a friendship caught on fire. |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
*gasps* what's this? A poem brought back from the sickly black depths of The World Past Page 2? *shakes her head* Nice to read it. PEACE. ~Carly "The eye sees a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination awake." |
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Greeneyes617 Member
since 2000-11-22
Posts 329Arkansas |
AMAZING!!! This is going into my library. You alway suprise me with your talent. Kudos!!! ~*Malinda*~ |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
I love this...it's wonderful. This is the kind of poem that I love to sort of stumble upon. Then I'm like, "Wow!". and in the end |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
LOL @ Carly. Yeah, this is from a LONG time ago. Ah, well... always interesting to see someone bump an older work. Although this one I didn't like too much at all... I wonder why so many give it such high praise... If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
hey! GREAT job on this one~I really liked it. Very clever..i liked the form. I haven't talked to you for awhile..hows my luandry coming? LOL Just kidding..keep up the great work babe*-kiley ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396 |
~Enjoying the way you write. Very much so. Clever wording - interesting expression. Take care. *Peace. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
GRR! I hate this one!  Why won't it stop being the one that people pick at random to see how I write? I have done MUCH better! GRR once more.  ~Allan If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort |
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396 |
~What's up with that?  . |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
sorry... but I really dislike this poem of mine.  And a few people came out of nowhere and read it. So y'know... haha.... [This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 03-21-2001).] |
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fozzyozzy Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336Lessburg Virginia |
I recognize a theme you used in another one of your poems. Right now the name escapes me. To tell you the truth, this one does a much better job of portraying a ravaged world. I don't know why you wouldn't be proud of it. I'm not really sure if I get the spacing things though. Good strong vocabulary. Despite what you say; good job. Peace Out "The heart can think of no devotion |
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fozzyozzy Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336Lessburg Virginia |
I recognize a theme you used in another one of your poems. Right now the name escapes me. To tell you the truth, this one does a much better job of portraying a ravaged world. I don't know why you wouldn't be proud of it. I'm not really sure if I get the spacing things though. Good strong vocabulary. Despite what you say; good job. Peace Out "The heart can think of no devotion |
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