July 8th 1982 - pipTalk Forums

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Melster
Member

since 2000-12-09

Posts 442
Brisbane, Qld, Australia

0 posted 2001-01-12 02:33 AM

Ok now this is my very first attempt at one of these thingies, so tell me if I have gone wrong please guys... I think I have done it right, though it is pretty lame!!

Today again we
Celebrate the birth of me,
Hip, Hip, hip horray...

I don't know about this guys...

melz!!

You can't hurt me anymore than I have hurt myself already...

LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

1 posted 2001-01-12 07:07 AM

This is a wonderful start! Some people (like me) are never really able to get these things to sound like real poetry, but it comes naturally to others. Everyone has their style, though!

Great job.

"Where there is great love there are always miracles" -Cather
"Love heals everything, and love is all there is"- Zukav

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

2 posted 2001-01-12 09:17 AM

Yeah, first time around we trick our way through Senryu.  ("Hip, hip, hip, hooray")
Want something fun to do, Mel?  Try writing a Senryu with only one word for each line...
I've done it once before, it actually turned out nicely.  ~_^
Still, this was good for the first time.  You followed all the rules, after all.
Keep it up, Melster!
-Allan

Eternal life without the darkness isn't life at all- it is a lobotomy.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2001-01-12 01:15 PM

I thought the last line was kinda funny. Nice crack at the challenge.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

jeremydraul
Senior Member

since 2000-08-01

Posts 1118
State of Despair

4 posted 2001-01-12 02:28 PM

pretty good for a first attempt
ending was funny

~JDR

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

5 posted 2001-01-12 03:35 PM

I like it

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

Melster
Member

since 2000-12-09

Posts 442
Brisbane, Qld, Australia

6 posted 2001-01-12 11:18 PM

Thanks guys... I will attempt your challenge Allan, I will see what I come up with and let you know when and if I come up with anything!!!

Melz!!

You can't hurt me anymore than I have hurt myself already...

kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

7 posted 2001-01-14 03:51 AM

i agree with LoveBug...everyone has their style and this read just fine to me...

write on!

Melster
Member

since 2000-12-09

Posts 442
Brisbane, Qld, Australia

8 posted 2001-01-14 03:54 AM

Thanks Kaile... I am not sure about these though... I am still working on them!!

You can't hurt me anymore than I have hurt myself already...

Elizabeth

Moderator

Member Ascendant

since 1999-06-07

Posts 6871
Minnesota

9 posted 2001-01-14 11:11 PM

Yay!!!! Challenge well met!

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

10 posted 2001-01-15 06:00 PM

Cheater!!! ha ha ha lol j/k

good job Mels

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR

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