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Raven Skye
Member

since 2001-03-03

Posts 112
.In a House.

0 posted 2001-06-21 09:35 AM

I enjoyed this one. A new record only 11:45 at night :-)

Too much pressure
Countless hours spent
A comatose addict
A wasted remnant.

An assailable excursion
Ended up in your death
A mean-spirited dealer
All for some crystal meth.

Judgement Day for you
Is closer then it seems
You said this wouldn't happen
Never, by no means.

But your time was well spent
with the drugs yo adore.
But now take out your ticket and
Hand it in at the front door...

*×´¨`·.×*Raven Skye*×´¨`·.×*
"Can't explain the way that I feel. You are the love I never found." -Cold

the_rescue
Member

since 2001-05-23

Posts 316
Japan

1 posted 2001-06-21 09:39 AM

that just really rocked I liked it alot different twist most people here attribute death to themselves you put it on someone else kinda cool later

I'm not asking U 2 luv me I'm just letting out the truth no hold barred about what I feel nothing wrong with what I say

DarkAngelOfTheStars
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 255

2 posted 2001-06-21 12:15 PM

i liked this a lot

good job

one morning you wake up afraid you are going to live

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

3 posted 2001-06-21 05:15 PM

Wow, that was cool! I like it a lot!!

Into my library...
Rhonda

"Who did that?" "Charlie and Blake." "Who's Charlie and Blake?" "Rhonda and Amy.""Great. There goes the school."

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

4 posted 2001-06-21 08:31 PM

I loved this one. Great flow, great words, great everything. Into the library!!!

*~*Amanda*~*

My tears roll right down my cheeks, but they all soak into my pillow. I feel kinda sorry for it...

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

5 posted 2001-06-21 09:57 PM

The title of this piece definitely caught my eye. Very nice work, Raven. The flow was right on and the rhyme scheme was very well done. The message is sad, but very true, unfortunately. It's a shame we even have the mess in our society, but it's becoming mroe and more a reality lately. Definitely a shame... nice work, here. I really enjoyed this.

--Marie

"Well the sun is slowly sinking down, but the moon is slowly rising... so this old world must still be spinning 'round. And I still love you." -James

AngelPoet87
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 280
Indy

6 posted 2001-06-21 10:00 PM

This one really hit home, I know a few people it really applies to. Good writing.

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

7 posted 2001-06-21 10:01 PM

great poem i liked it.
robin

I AM WHAT I AM SO DEAL!

obscurity of cloud
Member

since 2001-05-11

Posts 294
....:::::******:::::....

8 posted 2001-06-21 10:04 PM

very well done. A lot of your vocabulary was absolutely excellent. I try to use comatose whenever possible; it's just a great, assonant word. Great job!

"so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost

Love's Addiction
Member

since 2001-06-21

Posts 57
all around you

9 posted 2001-06-21 11:24 PM

this was such a good poem! i feel bad if it was written about someone u knew but it was good nonetheless

if love wants me, then it can come find me

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

10 posted 2001-06-21 11:59 PM

this hit home for me...and your throughout flow and the ending was powerful...great poem

...hope to see more...bye

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

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