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Teen Poetry #4
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fearing-laughter
Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

0 posted 2001-06-21 04:01 AM


ahh...this is just a venting poem that i wrote a few minutes ago.  it's obviously edited, i'm sure you can figure out where.  i think the moderators should be proud that i edited it for them! lol ;-) newayz...plz read and tell me wut you honestly think.  thanks ppls! -fear-

you look at me
with your eyes full of pain
but i think the scorn in mine
can outlast yours anyday

"WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THIS?!"
i ask full of rage
only to be kissed
in reply

i hate loving
yet i do it so much
why can't i make it go away???
i wish i could just ignore my heart
all it ever does is cause me pain

i wanna kill this beating red witch
located deep inside my chest
but that's okay
i'm sure you will anyway

-fear-

~this poem is dedicated to the poky little puppy~

"I know the pieces fit cause i watched them fall away"--TooL

© Copyright 2001 bergundy - All Rights Reserved
anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

1 posted 2001-06-21 04:25 AM


strong emotions here...i liked the poem...but are you...ok? ...great job! i hope everythings alright...bye

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

fearing-laughter
Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)
2 posted 2001-06-21 04:34 AM


thanks albert (or shall i say alberta heh heh) yep yep i'm okay...just paranoid lol.  i'll live tho.  thanks fer your concern.
-fear-

"I know the pieces fit cause i watched them fall away"--TooL

punkrockerrobin
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Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180
Sparks, NV
3 posted 2001-06-21 05:34 AM


hey fear i so agree with ya bro! i have shirt that says love stinks! oh and one that says boys lie!
robin

I AM WHAT I AM SO DEAL!

Linc
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Senior Member
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy
4 posted 2001-06-21 08:36 AM


Hey,

     I am glad to see you did some editing   The poem is wonderful with the editing. I enjoyed it, keep them coming  

      -- Linc

       "Blood Moon"
   Host: Lark.crodo.com
         Port:1313

the_rescue
Member
since 2001-05-23
Posts 316
Japan
5 posted 2001-06-21 08:51 AM


I liked the poem and if you did edit it you did a good job at it lol way to express the feelings

I'm not asking U 2 luv me I'm just letting out the truth no hold barred about what I feel nothing wrong with what I say

Raven Skye
Member
since 2001-03-03
Posts 112
.In a House.
6 posted 2001-06-21 11:50 AM


good job, full of emotion, woohoo, I really got into it, haha

keep it up!!

*×´¨`·.×*Raven Skye*×´¨`·.×*
"Can't explain the way that I feel. You are the love I never found." -Cold

Fading Away
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
7 posted 2001-06-21 03:58 PM


This is a very powerful poem.  I enjoyed this quite a bit.  I can relate to a lot of what you're saying.  Love stinks... it usually only ends in heartache.  I loved the last stanza here.  Very creative... I hope you feel better.
Nicely done.

--Marie

"Well the sun is slowly sinking down, but the moon is slowly rising... so this old world must still be spinning 'round. And I still love you." -James

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
8 posted 2001-06-21 04:51 PM


I LOVED how you described your heart as a red witch. Awesome job on that.
The poem was very powerful, but not as good as some of the more recent ones I've read from you.
Anyhow, this still rocked.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

SEA
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Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
9 posted 2001-06-21 04:54 PM


this is really good  
fearing-laughter
Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)
10 posted 2001-06-21 09:23 PM


wow thanks for the compliments and advice people.  and poeticgirl..lol yea i had a shirt that said "love sucks" i wore it to school, and they made me tape over the word "sucks" so i had to walk around wearing a shirt that said love all day lol.  i'd like to thank everybody in passions cause you guys have helped me have a lot more confidence in my poetry.  well now to get away from being serious....the poky little puppy also enjoyed this poem.  kinda pathetic that i'm 14-years-old, and i still enjoy that book.  oh well. lol later all.
-fear-

"I know the pieces fit cause i watched them fall away"--TooL

fearing-laughter
Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)
11 posted 2001-06-25 04:34 AM


lol i'm so psychic...the guy i wrote this about has already screwed me over....
-fear-

"I know the pieces fit cause i watched them fall away"--TooL

Poet on Acid
Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 325
Florida, USA
12 posted 2001-06-26 03:55 AM


Someone needs a hug

"It's too cold in the world...too cold to be alone..." - >¶Øʆ<

zarina
Member
since 2001-05-19
Posts 180

13 posted 2001-06-26 04:33 AM


I liked the poem..I guess you could say that I know how it is..
keoni
Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC
14 posted 2001-06-26 01:40 PM


This poem was great. I thought it described things so good. "I want to kill this beating red witch...but that's okay, I'm sure you'll do it anyways" That was bad ass! Cool poem. I hope things get better.
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine
"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur

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