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Teen Poetry #4
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(God) My Mind's Eye
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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(God) My Mind's Eye |
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MoeRocko Member
since 2001-04-25
Posts 166West Virginia |
In my mind, I can see your face As your love pours down in a shower of grace Some people tell me you're just a dream But my faith is the evidence of things unseen You know what I'm going through I know this is true, because you've stood in my shoes Desires inside of me, but it's hard to believe in what you cannot see Can you catch the wind? Can you see the breeze? His presence is revealed by the leaves on the trees an image of my faith in the unseen In my mind's eye, I see your face You smile as you show me grace In my minds eye, you take my hand We walk through foreign lands The foreign lands of life. You ride the storm through the rain You comfort me, in my hurricane I'll never be alone again... People tell me that you're just a dream They don't know you the way that I do You're the one I live to pursue If there's a such thing as a Genius, then I'm one. If there's no such thing then I don't care... ~John Lennon |
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| © Copyright 2001 Ewok Enterprise - All Rights Reserved | |||
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the_rescue Member
since 2001-05-23
Posts 316Japan |
ROCK ON that was really good but of course I'm biased lol I loved the poem it was awesome Library piece I'm not asking U 2 luv me I'm just letting out the truth no hold barred about what I feel nothing wrong with what I say |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This poem rocks, Moe! I loved it. There's so much truth in this poem... these are beautiful words. Very nice work. --Marie "Well the sun is slowly sinking down, but the moon is slowly rising... so this old world must still be spinning 'round. And I still love you." -James |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Great message of dedication and belief here  "Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle" Plato. |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Pretty cool! Sounds pretty good to music too, but I could never figure out all the words! LOL!  You're great! Rhonda  "Who did that?" "Charlie and Blake." "Who's Charlie and Blake?" "Rhonda and Amy.""Great. There goes the school." |
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punkrockerrobin
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
ewok this was sooooooooooo pretty! robin I AM WHAT I AM SO DEAL! |
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Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
2 words "GET IT!" nuff said -- Linc |
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MoeRocko Member
since 2001-04-25
Posts 166West Virginia |
True SkyFire  I Love the way it was writtenIf there's a such thing as a Genius, then I'm one. If there's no such thing then I don't care... ~John Lennon |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Very nicely written. I enjoyed this one immensely.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Great poem! I loved the message. Your rhyme at the end had quite a good effect, creating a "mystical" feel[to go by those theist philosophers who believe that God can only be experienced, not necessarilly imperically proven] that reverberates at the end. The only problem I have with this, besides the usual drill of me complaining about you not having any syllable structure and yadda yadda, is that you don't connect your final stanza[highlight of the poem, in my opinion] with the rest of the poem. You might like to try correcting this by employing more elaborate descriptions of your relationship with Him in the preceeding stanzas. Something that connects both the natural events and your relationship with God would be mastery, in my opinion. Great work on the poem, none the less. Great to see so much hope in God in a forum traditionally dominated by images / metaphors of the darker aspects of teenage living. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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