MIssing You? I need help with the title...

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PiXiEpUnKeR
Junior Member

since 2001-06-06

Posts 49
IL, USA

0 posted 2001-06-08 10:33 AM

I'm slowly reminiscing,
taking in all the pleasures,
learning from all the pains,
I'm deeply missing your company,
the tenderness of your touch,
the comfort of your kiss,
I'm staring blankly at the ceiling,
surrounding myself in darkness,
wishing you were here.
I'm wasting each night away,
waiting for it to be just us,
eagarly awaiting your smile,
I can be with you,
instead of wanting and wishing.
You are always with me,
always waiting and always loving me.

Hey guys please tell me what you think of my poetry! LIke criticism but the guys over in the critics forum thought I posted in the wrong room!! Oh Geez! So help me out ok? DO all my poems sound the same to you? Hmm... im not sure...

[This message has been edited by PiXiEpUnKeR (edited 06-08-2001).]

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2001-06-08 03:43 PM

I think this is my first read of you.....I liked the feelings with this.....but the end kinda doesn't fit with you missing your boyfriend.....just my 2 pennies

~SEA

stace_co2003
Member

since 2001-03-30

Posts 497
In a dream world

2 posted 2001-06-08 03:55 PM

I like this poem, but I do agree with sea that the end doesn't fit in you missing your bf. or, well, it depends on how you interpret it. but overall, this is a great piece.

I'm just glad that now this rainstorm has ended, and I can see the rainbow once again.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

3 posted 2001-06-08 04:30 PM

First poem of yours that I've read as far as I remember, and I'm already impressed by your writing abilities. You show raw emotons in it and you don't hold nothing back. That's a really good way to write. Beautiful piece, keep sharing

hi Sweets, Lizzy, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Val, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Maree, Michel

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

4 posted 2001-06-08 04:34 PM

nice...great poem!...i really enjoyed the writing of your emotions

...bye Andriana

i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

PiXiEpUnKeR
Junior Member

since 2001-06-06

Posts 49
IL, USA

5 posted 2001-06-08 06:42 PM

Hey everyone, thanks for the comments. To the first two who replied, the ending makes sense to me... of course it would because I think it fits in with our relationship... I wrote it to say how no matter how long we're apart, he's always going to wait, and always going to love me... does that clear it up a bit? if not, give me some suggestions!?

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

6 posted 2001-06-10 12:06 PM

I thought this was just fine. I thought it made sense, so yea it fit.
Well done on it.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

7 posted 2001-06-10 12:29 PM

This is the first i've read of yours. It's pretty good! I'd also have to say the ending didn't have to do with missing your boyfriend. But I do like the emotion you set in this piece! Great read! Keep it up!

¤ ¢H@§ïÑg RåIñ ¤

I heard a funny quote once...*scratches head* It went like this...
So, this guy walks into a bar...OW!!! :)

LoneWolf
Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 384
IL