The dark (another dark poem...muahaha)

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chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

0 posted 2001-05-30 10:31 PM

The world can only free so little
And only hold so much.
The stoic side of every person
Shivers at the touch.
The sun is blocked out from the world
No shadow does mankind cast
But every dream and every thought
Reflects the other past.
And we can see, but hardly touch
The dark that calls our name
Our eyes pass over each shadowed face
And every face's the same.
Each cloud that passes over the world
Blocks out the silver moon
And every child that cries at night
Has heard the darkness' tune.
He sings, he chants, we watch him dance
Around the twilight's flame.
He steals our souls while our backs are turned
As if stealing is his game.
He hides the sun from every eye
And dims the moon and stars
He laughs at every mankind's thought
And everything that's ours.
He takes our hands into his own
And we shiver at the cold
Uncanny, unreal this whole world is
While death seems to offer us gold.
Blind because there is no way
Yet all we see is the dark.
Nothing moves but the dancing shadows
Of the evening lark.

==========
I'm back! For all of one day...
Ok, about this poem: Up until the word "tune" is the intro. You really don't need to pay attention to it, it just sets the mood.

Plus, it's "before the darkness came" and after the word "tune" (man, that's one important word) is when he comes. The ending is just...well...it makes darkness an illusion, or I guess...darkness turns into the evening lark (you know...innocent bird.)like dracula and bats, except bats aren't innocent. I think.

Did you know I use illusion a lot in my poems? *scratches head* I should stop blabbering before this gets longer than my poem...

"If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that i was made for another world."
-C.S.Lewis

LoneWolf
Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 384
IL

1 posted 2001-05-30 11:24 PM

wow, i liked this. good job

It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that.
I've learned that even when you th

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

2 posted 2001-05-30 11:28 PM

Don't put an explanation at the start of your poem!

It is definitely written well. Some of the lines didn't flow quite as well as they should have. If you change just a few you will have a ripper of a piece!

Great work, Cherish. You little Aussie, you.

~AF~

Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved."
-Van Kaam

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

3 posted 2001-05-30 11:31 PM

leaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!!!!...im jealous !!..;(..you write so well!!!..this poem was GREAT GREAT GREAT!!! ....i loved the whole rhyme to it...the flow was just right and the imgery wonderful....congratualtions on this one girl...you really know how to make a persons day....AGPFAGP i have to say!!!...

"Life is not long and boring,
it's short and compelling." -Javier Agosto-

Zengo
Junior Member

since 2001-05-27

Posts 31
Rogersville, AL

4 posted 2001-05-30 11:34 PM

Good work!! I liked it!!

Nick

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-05-31 02:29 AM

Well done. I liked this one. Muy bien! Que sigues asi pq me gusta todo sus poemas

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

6 posted 2001-05-31 04:01 AM

great piece!...i really liked it and ditto on whatever...dopey said

...and hope to see more...bye

i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

7 posted 2001-06-04 03:20 PM

Very nice poem!!! I love dark poems for some reason

Excellent job and post more often!! I dont see you too much lately!

little_krazy_poet
Junior Member

since 2001-05-28

Posts 41

8 posted 2001-06-04 04:41 PM

is was good i like it this seems to fit you well. but if you have a hard time ryming some words and know what you want to say get a thesaurus it really helps me. (when i can find it) well i hope this helps and keep up the good work

WRITE WHAT YOU FEEL!! AND DON’T LET ANYONE TELL YOU TO DO OTHERWISE

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

9 posted 2001-06-04 05:06 PM

Great work Leah... well done... I really enjoyed the read

Zu

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