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vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

0 posted 2001-05-29 10:25 AM

You guys I wrote this just now and it's kinda really strange, eh, I dunno...

~*Nikki*~
____________________________________________________
"The Shadows"
5/29/01

The shadows creeping up the walls,
Are demons of my mind.
Floating, floating, forming shapes,
My soul they cannot find.

Dark images threaten me,
Hungry for my heart.
I will not let them into my soul,
Before tearing them apart.

Clinging to me constantly,
Dangerously possesive.
Fighting with it achingly,
Defensively obsessive.

The shadows follow my every move,
Always behind my back.
I turn around and there they are,
Along my winding track.

Whispering thoughts of fatalities,
Of what my life is destined to be.
Chanting words that abash my heart,
I'm trapped for eternity.

The shadows did this to me,
The shadows are to blame.
The shadows cut my life in pieces,
But to the shadows, It's just a game.

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

1 posted 2001-05-29 11:30 AM

dark and powerful...this hit me hard...i really liked it...thanks for sharing it...nikki

i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

the_rescue
Member

since 2001-05-23

Posts 316
Japan

2 posted 2001-05-29 12:05 PM

wow that was cool I like it. also checked out the homepages some pretty cool stuff in there. Peace

The Rescue

~*brittt*~
Member

since 2001-05-09

Posts 76
East Haddam, CT

3 posted 2001-05-29 12:06 PM

Oohhh... very mysterious... I like it

~britt~

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

4 posted 2001-05-29 12:19 PM

really like that last line

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-05-29 10:46 PM

Yea the last line really put an impact on this poem. I enjoyed it.

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

6 posted 2001-05-29 10:56 PM

Amazing work... very very very amazing.  This is of a standard I'm not sure I've seen from you yet, to be honest.
This is just incredible poetry, obviously my favourite from you that I've read since you've joined Passions in Poetry.
The power here is in the message as well as in the structure.
First of all, the structure.  You built this without meter, and you did a wonderful job compensating for it with a differently dictated flow.  It didn't go 8686 like many beloved poems do, rather just Longshortlongshort.  And this worked out very well, surprisingly.
Now your writing in here is very professional, I personally think this needs to be published... the last stanza for example held such power in the personifications you used of the "shadows."  I envy your style quite a bit in this poem.
Definitely something to be wondered at later on, and obviously today's entry into my private library.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

7 posted 2001-05-30 11:33 AM

Thank you very much to everyone that read this one, I'm glad that you liked it. And Allan, wow I am very flattered by your reply!!! Thanks a bunch guys...

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

8 posted 2001-05-31 02:46 PM

*bump* page one material
ooo this is my fav by u Nikki!!! it was just amazing. u did a great job on this..and i love poems about shadows.but this one was just soooo much more! excellent job! this is in my library

tiff

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

Just leave me alone and give me some space.

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

9 posted 2001-05-31 02:48 PM

Great work, I really enjoyed the read.
Zu

stace_co2003
Member

since 2001-03-30

Posts 497
In a dream world

10 posted 2001-05-31 03:35 PM

I like this alot. it flows quite nicely, and you have some really good imagery in there. I particularly like your third stansa. I know, I'm odd, but it really stuck out to me. but did you mean to repeat floating in the first stansa?
good job, hope to read more soon.

Stace

I'm just glad that now this rainstorm has ended, and I can see the rainbow once again.

Godsend_1
Member

since 2001-04-19

Posts 247
great state of illinois

11 posted 2001-05-31 03:43 PM

wow nikki this is an amazing piece i really liked it i hope to read more stuff from ya, i hope life is all nice and fluffy if not ya know where i am heh, love ya *hugs*

ben

i am what i am and that is all that i am and all that i shall ever be..so deal with it
no onw knows the meaning of alone

dramaqueen22086
Member

since 2001-05-05

Posts 50
Hadlyme, CT

12 posted 2001-05-31 04:15 PM

nikki, you know you kim and britt are my favorit poets in the world, everything you write is great, you could write something about dog poop...lol

and i know it would be great, i love the way you think of things, you are such a good poet, and i bet you didn't know it...lol,

im being silly again, oh wellz, i'm

crazy like that sometimes.
i got to do flash's hw, bye hun...

luv ya
~!kellie!~

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

13 posted 2001-06-01 06:25 PM

A little dark for me, but still an outstanding piece of work. You are very talented my friend, so keep it up. Hope to see more, so keep sharing too

I'm so sorry for doubting you Kit ... please forgive me!!!!

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

14 posted 2001-06-01 07:57 PM

I really liked this alot. great job

fall hard, practice harder not to fall

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

15 posted 2001-06-03 12:14 PM

hey this is really kool! yay for you. i dunno what to say i just wanted to add this to my library. i really liked this one, lol yay again. byyyye
-fear-

vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

16 posted 2001-06-03 10:37 AM

Hey again guys, thank you sooo much 4 all the replies!!!

It makes me feel special when ya'll respond 2 my work!

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

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