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Teen Poetry #4
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Godsend_1
Member
since 2001-04-19
Posts 247
great state of illinois

0 posted 2001-05-25 09:42 PM


ok this is supposed to be like that  its supposed to give off the air that a little child wrote it about protection and all that so no criticizem on that fact that its all wrong in many numorous ways :d ben redshaw the great out

warm and cozy i am
cause i am sitting in me corner
a tight lil nitch
surrounding me
making me feel all safe
it is me lil corner
protecting me from badish stuff
making life seem all great
i sit in me lil corner
and fade away
to a place of wonderful dreams
oh so happy i am
sitting in me corner
cause i live here for eternity
so i had better be
happy in me lil corner

i am what i am and that is all that i am and all that i shall ever be..so deal with it
to make the world the greatest place is the perfect dream in

© Copyright 2001 Ben Redshaw - All Rights Reserved
anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

1 posted 2001-05-25 09:46 PM


i enjoyed the read...and no criticism here!...this corner is somewhere i go to many times but when i'm there i' sad...anyways...good job and keep writing... ...?

ahhhhh....i'm addicted to passions in poetry!!!!!

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
2 posted 2001-05-26 01:26 PM


The general message was fairly good but the way it was written just annoyed me.

Good job on it anyway.

~AF~

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
~ Unknown ~

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
3 posted 2001-05-26 08:20 PM


Oh hush liz.....haha geesh.....well I personally thought the way it was written added the WHOLE effect. It just HAD to be written like that, or it would have been right. I liked it but felt you could have added a bit more to it.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

lonely*soul
Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396
east haddam (moodus) ct :)
4 posted 2001-05-26 08:27 PM


dunt worry, no critisizm   i always go in me lil corner..like when me sad  

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
5 posted 2001-05-27 07:29 AM


@ Dopey

"I'm not a slave to a God that doesn't exist."
Manson - The Fight Song

vixengrl04
Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495
East Haddam, CT
6 posted 2001-05-27 12:05 PM


Awww this was cute...

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

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