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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
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| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Tonight |
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holatuwol Member
since 2001-04-27
Posts 72California, USA |
This is as good a time as any for a first post... Don't say I didn't warn you... *points to the scrollbar* My poems rival even my normal posts in length, so be wary. The poem might not be worth the time and eternal frustration, but I would greatly appreciate any comments if you do take the time out to read it. ^_^ - holatuwol ---------------------------------------- Tonight February 26, 2001 Each night passes, and I'm alone. Every night the same... am I bothered? No. I like it this way... I like it very much. And always... maybe always, I wish it so. Am I lying...? I don't think so... Though I know I am haunted by a phantom, a shade... A ghost of memory, of what might have been, Of perfection on this Earth... somehow created, somehow made. A dream princess, yes... a dream... That I wish for almost every night... Closing my eyes, shutting out the cold, Giving my heart a softly glowing light. A comfort that is unlike any other, But somehow... I don't think it'll ever be. Why does she not like who is sitting here... Why does she only see a friend in me? I relax quietly in the sweet darkness, With the serenity telling me that I am finally alone. Each heartbeat steady, even as the kettle drum, Predictable... somehow, reliable as a mountain of stone. What is behind this silence, I wonder... what on Earth could it be? The darkness, this... immeasurable calm, Which somehow rests on the idea that I cannot see. But the peace soon ends for me, As everything is basked in a light, a flame... A quiet, shimmering, fire of candlelight, Revealing what's etched in my heart: the sweetest name. Wherefore came this firelight? Why does it not leave me, as I wish it to...? LEAVE NOW! I swore to myself that I would never think of you like that again... But this firelight dares me now... dares me to break that vow. Making me remember every feeling that I have had Burning deep within me... for what seems to be aeons of time. What... is hidden within this quieted memory? Why is remembering it not a sin... not a crime? The sweetness of your heavenly touch, The seduction, the caresses... which break my will. Charming smiles, enticing wonderful gazes Which can even hold my restless spirit almost completely still. And yet all the while, though I scarcely believe it, We never touched, never truly hugged... never kissed. I should really have no romantic memories of you If I sit back and think... and reminisce. Reminiscence is wonderful... or usually is. But my thoughts of you are so confused, so very lost. Burning like a fire which seems to fill my heart, And then frozen in time... by an immortal frost. To remember that wondrous feeling... Wait, I must forget it... must forget it now. Yet I ask that simple question... once again, How do you forget a love, if it were just a friendship... HOW!? And if that were not enough of a challenge, Fate continues to play its silly little game... My heart grows restless and my patience wears thin, And then you appear... forcing my heart to become untame. A friend should not have the incredible power To cause me such immeasurable pain... How do you manage it, my dear lady? How can you somehow Push me to the brink of insanity... when I was once so sane? The sweetness of the scent you carry Causes the smell of smoke to disappear... leaving only candle light. It seduces me even now... when I am trying to resist. It hurts... so much... to be seduced by it... is it right? Your heart seems to smile at me, a most beautiful touch to your face, And I am charmed, lost in that smile, lost in your shimmering eyes. And I grow dizzy, and my fading resistance forces me to the ground, Leaving me with my quiet hope... that soon, your smile somehow dies. Who can feel this desperation...? I wonder... What can relieve it other than the darkness the candlelight dispelled? Losing my sanity... I really don't care any more... My resistance breaks... and I wish it were your body I now held. And your smile seems to hold me Like it does... and has done so often before. And I am lost, my will is completely broken, And I want you... I want you now... I want us to be so much more. You're standing there, under the rainfall, As beautiful as ever... as I remember you always were. Decked in a very simple dress, simple garbs... simple robes. I am consumed of making an us... out of a 'him' and a 'her'. And that wish almost comes true, As those robes quietly fall... to the floor. And I find I am beholding, no longer a mortal... But a goddess... for now, and forever more. I am stunned for every waking moment, As the rain drops fall under the candle light. You have never once seemed so beautiful So seductive, so charming... as you seem to me tonight. But you seem almost fragile now, Almost capable of feeling a mortal's pain. Will you let my arms somehow replace those robes, And let me hold you close... beneath this falling rain? The way the rain drops seem to touch you, And flow over every curve, every inch of your skin... My lady, my restraint can only be so very strong... You stay like that much longer... I will be driven to sin. And you kneel down to me, quietly... A smile shimmering, a soft longing hiding in your eyes. And with that look, with that shimmering glace, You have sealed my fate... and my inevitable demise. Forgetting all the restraints which once held us back, Between friends and lovers... are you inviting me to cross that line? Lost in the rainfall, the sweet serenade of the raindrops, Tonight, my sweet dream princess... tonight, I want you to be mine. [This message has been edited by holatuwol (edited 05-24-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 MinhChau Dang - All Rights Reserved | |||
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
*sigh* Mc you are fantastic. im glad ur finally letin everybody c wut wonders u can create. this was just amazing it was looooong but thats just u  and to be expected....i loved the 2nd stanza...the way u described it..and the rest of it was ooo just so well written...the ending was sooooo sweetish*sniff* it was just amazing. ive alreayd told u wut i think of this so ill heshup nows so i wont end up havin long replys likes u but it seems i already ams:P u did a great job on this and thanx for postin it Mc!!! loves ya muchs *hugs**does the i talked him in to postin it dance* tiff  “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
forgot to add to library all tho i alreadys haves it saved to me comps:P lols *clicks da lil button* “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
First and foremost I'd like to say that I admire your replies to each and every poem you have replied to. They are long and fully in depth which shows your true appreciation for poetry. Now.....as for your poem. Simply amazing. I read it slow and with care and fully felt the whole impact of it. It is one of the most heart felt, touching poems I have ever read in all of my life. It ranks up there with the pro's in my book. This poem is so amazing, I just sat there at the end with a sense of introspection. It's the kind of poem that just let's you wander within your world of love and desire and think of all the possibilities. That if, for one night, this character could overcome his fear of being with this girl...and the fact that it was a "sin" that he couldn't be with her....than so can any man. I love how within the poem you desire this girl so much and you interupt yourself while saying how wonderful she is and so on because you know it's sin to love her due to her only being a friend. I also liked the part in the poem where you say that she appears to be more of a mortal now than a goddess. Where you'd like to wrap your arms around her rather than the robes be there. I really liked the whole poem in completely form. The style, the format, and the EVERYTHING. You did extremely well on the language to...wow...and the pauses you used really did add a lot of impact. I thought you did well, and this really impressed me. I surely do hope to read more from you!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily [This message has been edited by Dopey_Dope (edited 05-24-2001).] |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
This was such an amazing poem. I read it a couple of times to get the full effect of it. It was so beautifully written...u have so much talent, i admire you. Once again beautiful poem and keep it up...this is definately my fav from u.  |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
*bump* everybody should get a chance to read this. “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
wow!!!...i truly loved this beauitful piece...this is amazing writing...i cant say more everything was perfect!...wonderful images...awesome flow, touching , very heartfelt, incredible storytellin...etc etc...also as dopey have said...i also appreciate the fact that you replyed so sincerely with depth...thanks for sharing this...hope to see more i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 05-29-2001).] |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
When I read this, I focused as Javi did. I went into a whole different world.....This was...uh where's my thesaurus? Ok....I am...amazed, astonished, dumbfounded, left speehless, shocked, stunned, thunderstruck....... This was truly incredible. One real huge thing that made me like it so much was how easily it read. There wasn't a defined meter, and the vision in my mind was this guy sitting there, facing a wall, telling this story....*sigh* I really hope to see some more from you sometime. Thank you.. ~Carly "Go outside and use your own eyes. You'll be surprised to see things you've never been taught..." |
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stace_co2003 Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497In a dream world |
I agree that everybody should get a chance to read this. this is brilliance...completely wonderful. I don't think that many people could top this...if any. the length of it isn't a problem for a poem like that. I have to add this to my library... I'm just glad that now this rainstorm has ended, and I can see the rainbow once again. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I could top it if I wanted to.  Hah... no, that's just not true. Well I was going to give you a lecture on meter, because it's the only thing lacking in here... but Carly made a good point, and I thank her for it. This actually is fine without.The length allowed you to cover a lot of ground... furthermore, the consistency of quality in here made it appreciatable. Too often the downfall of long poetry is inconsistent quality. This had it all, MC. I'm quite impressed. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
oh my goodness...this is one of the most amazing pieces ive read in a long time!!!..ditto to what everyone else said mc this is truly wonderful..the emotions within it were so intense and powerful..i felt shivers running up and down my spine while i was reading it...the imagery was astounding ...trully...i could picture everything as it were happening..i loved the inner conflict you had too...the confusion and final relenting to the passion you felt for this girl ...aw man this is really really good...i enjoyed it a lot ...thank you for such a great read!!!..
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
ok i want more ppl to read this...*bump* |
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holatuwol Member
since 2001-04-27
Posts 72California, USA |
This poem was so evil and hideous; Before I read this poem, I couldn't believe that anyone could ever write such an evil poem about rain and nightfall; but, you have changed my mind. This was just really really really ba... *blinks* Okay, what am I doing? I wrote this poem... x_X hehehe Thank you all for the comments. ^_^ Few things better for a poet than people who read their work and actually enjoy it... certainly makes writing lots more fun and it makes it lots more fun. ^_^ Thankies to everyone who bothered to take the time out to read it, and more thanks to those that replied. ^_^ And now, some more replies to everyone who replied... (*watches as the long list of replies to replies scares away all potential people who might've replied to this thread* ;_; Don't run away! Come back!) ********** knightlyshadows: Yeah, you are at fault for bringing this poem to this board, Tifferz. Or are you to thank? hehehe Who knows, ne? ^_~ Thank you much for reading. ^_^v Of course, you like almost all poetry, ne? ^_~ hehehe Dopey_Dope: Wow, you gave me a long thorough reply! ^_^ You totally rule! hehehe Thank you much for all the thought that you put into the reply for this particular poem. *bows* It's been a pleasure giving my thoughts on the beautiful poems here at Passions, and I hope that you really enjoyed the poem as much as I enjoyed reading your response. ^_^ xSugarHighx: You know, if it weren't your favorite from me so far, I would be very troubled. ^^; hehehe This is actually my first poem post in Passions, though I am very glad you enjoyed it enough to believe it to be your favorite. ^_^ Will future poems change your mind as to whether or not it's actually your favorite for now and forever? We shall see, ne? ^_^v anonymous albert: Thank you for the comment! hehe I think you seem to agree with a lot of people when they think that my strongest style is narrative. ^^; It results in longer works, but you didn't say anything about the length, so that means it was good enough so that it didn't bother you. ^_^ Sugoi! Child of the Stars: hehehe You're welcome! I think... *reads the thank you* Yeppers. ^_^ hehe And I like your thesaurus! ^^ If I had one of those, my commentaries would be more flowery and they'd be more fun to read. ^^ All those adjectives and the trouble of a thesaurus to reply... *hugs you* You rule! stace_co2003: My only question is... a poem like what? oO; hehehe Glad you enjoyed the poem, although I personally don't think it's my best work... oo; hehehe I'm pretty sure even I could top it, let alone the other people here at Passions. ^_^ I've read tons better... but, thank you for the comment. ^_^ It means a lot. Allan Riverwood: Allan! You owe me a lecture on meter... *fumes* hehehe I'll bug you about it later. ^_^ Either way, thanks for the commentary. Just gimme time... after I post a few more poems without meter, you're guaranteed to give me the lecture some time. ^_^v I look forward to it! cherish: Thanks for the bump! ^^ Glad you enjoyed the poem like you did, and I hope to read more of your shtuff, too. ^_^v Strangely, most people I know like aloof poems more than the ones that send shivers down your spine... ^^; To all their own! *raises a glass* Here's to all the poets at Passions! Passions and aloofness go hand-in-hand, eh? ^_~ ********** Until next time... everyone have a nice day, a nice summer, and post lots! Because, there's no such thing as too many poems for a poetry addict... unless of course you buy a Poetry.com anthology... in which case that might qualify... x_X hehehe (I haven't bought one, but I browsed through one online... x_X) - holatuwol |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
heh *cough*bump*cough* sorry couldnt resist. its Mc so there you go. loves ya muchs Mc *hides* “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
very nice writing..this reads like a monologue to me..i can well imagine this speaker holding a lamp, the only light within the darkness, facing an unknown audience, trying to tell his story...... i am glad this one was bumped up for me to enjoy... |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Hahaha this is the only one you posted so far?? I thought that there was more from you...i coulda sworn that i read other poems of yours...hmmmm weird!! LOL |
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LoneWolf Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 384IL |
WOW, what can i say? I Absolutly loved this. this has to be one of the best, if not the best poems that i have read on here. So needless to say this is going to my library. I thought this was fantastic. wonderful job here. Hope to see more from you soon. It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that. |
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