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Teen Poetry #4

Blank faces...

pharon
Member

since 1999-11-13

Posts 251
alabama

0 posted 2001-05-23 10:40 PM

Blank faces
surrounded by
streaming
desire
fear
Awaiting
love

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

1 posted 2001-05-24 12:57 PM

i liked also where u were heading to
...but as towards the end it sounded and the meaning was iffy to me...other then that it was a good poem...keep writing...and hope to see more...

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 05-24-2001).]

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2001-05-24 03:56 AM

You saying they fear the upcoming love that will inevitably reach these unhappy souls?
This one was great. You came out with 3 really GREAT poems and I was so happy to read them. Really made my reading experience end with a bang tonight.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

3 posted 2001-05-24 04:18 AM

i know it was meant that way
but it would be better if it was arranged in a different way
thats just my opinion or just let it be...cuz it just reads different in different people...
but dont get me wrong your poem are unique and great...

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 05-24-2001).]

pharon
Member

since 1999-11-13

Posts 251
alabama

4 posted 2001-05-24 10:12 PM

a.albert...i had the same feeling at the end..do you have any suggestions? i mean, i just don't know how to end it...thanx

and thanx for the encouragement from both of you..

me

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