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Silver Butterfly
Junior Member

since 2001-03-13

Posts 42
Between here and the end

0 posted 2001-05-23 03:00 PM

Nameless soldiers blood is shed
Wondering stale the reasons why
Little boys that now are dead

Casual animal hate is bred
Casually they walk to die
Nameless soldiers blood is shed

Pacing madly wet ahead
Bullet sounds and war does cry
Little boys that now are dead

Frantic call each name is said
Glancing fearful sweaty eye
Nameless soldiers blood is shed

Softly now the list is read
Tender cuts echo a sigh
Little boys that now are dead

Pain is numb in graves they lie
The debt is paid that hate did buy
Nameless soldiers blood is shed
Little boys that now are dead

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

1 posted 2001-05-23 03:10 PM

Great poem. It was very sad. Keep it up though.

*~*Amanda*~*

My tears roll right down my cheeks, but they all soak into my pillow. I feel kinda sorry for it...

the_rescue
Member

since 2001-05-23

Posts 316
Japan

2 posted 2001-05-23 03:18 PM

nice poem intresting but I like the repetition of those 2 lines it rocked.

what if the invisible man could be seen would he still be treated so mean
would he live a life of pain
or would he be driven insane

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

3 posted 2001-05-23 05:07 PM

graet poem...this was written very nicely and...the topic was a very powerful one...awesome job...hope to see more...

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-05-23 06:25 PM

I really enjoyed this one Silver. Well done here! You did so well!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

5 posted 2001-05-24 12:03 PM

I like it a lot too! The descriptions were painful, and that is difficult to accomplish. The title is very, very well thought out.

Only joking. This deserves a title. I can't think of anything (I suck at titling) but something like "A spray of bullets" comes to mind... something to do with bullets.

As for the villanelle format, I'm glad to see you trying it. However I have to point out a single flaw that you made in the poem - villanelles are written in iambic meter. That's one of the rules.
If you need a quick lesson on Iambic meter, email me or you know my AIM SN.

See you around. Keep writing and sharing your poetry.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

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