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IsGona
Senior Member

since 2000-07-14

Posts 723

0 posted 2001-03-06 09:42 PM

My friend is going through a bad breakup right now. He was really in love with her and everything seemed perfect but, then a bunch of crap happened and... well his heart is broke. This is what this poem is about.
It's not very good but I was thinking about him and happened to write this down... enjoy!

Unexpected Heartbreak...

A whisper rolls off her lips,
and kisses your ear
A picture of love taken,
but captures a tear

Shocking news of her lost love,
leaves your face wet.
Shedding one last painful tear
for all your regret.

A deep swallow of your pride,
reveals your nightmare.
Time has beaten love again,
and proves life's unfair.

Tears of Glass
Member

since 2000-12-04

Posts 182
Physically? VA.... Mentally? I'm not quite sure

1 posted 2001-03-06 09:44 PM

WOW! Awesome poem! Very emotion filled.

"A whisper rolls off her lips,
and kisses your ear
A picture of love taken,
but captures a tear"

That's so beautiful... Job well done.. I really hope things get better with your friend. I know that can be extremely hard, to lose the one you love. Very good poem.

*Jennifer

"My nightmare isn't fearing what I dream... It's waking up, knowing what I'll see."

Isabel Galaxia
Senior Member

since 2000-06-18

Posts 733

2 posted 2001-03-06 10:10 PM

Hey this is great, I'm sure your friend would/does appreciate(s) it. The situation sucks, as you know...I don't know what else to say. Good luck!
Bel

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

3 posted 2001-03-06 10:45 PM

this was great~sad but wonderful. keep it up

*dq

¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

4 posted 2001-03-06 10:59 PM

Outstanding. I love the last stanza... "time has beaten love again."
That was genius. Great to see you posting again.
And nice critique message.

~Allan

Stupidity makes the world go around...and people like us laugh. ~~Elizabeth, to Allan

jeremydraul
Senior Member

since 2000-08-01

Posts 1118
State of Despair

5 posted 2001-03-06 11:40 PM

hmmm a little off your style, no? Very eccentric for you but I def. admired its qualities!

JR

"War, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing!" - Edwin Starr

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

6 posted 2001-03-07 03:43 PM

*is honest*
I thought this was great. Very dif. from your usual, and for that I appreciate this one. Ummmmm.....I know the feeling all too well....heart break......it's a pisser.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

IsGona
Senior Member

since 2000-07-14

Posts 723

7 posted 2001-03-07 10:32 PM

Thank you every one. You are right when you say this is a little of my style. Not sure why... I wasn't going for that. I think that I lost my 'old' style. Everytime I write lately I feel like I'm writting my first poem... Thanks again every one.
Jason

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

8 posted 2001-03-08 11:02 AM

be honest? I will.....

well, I'm very impressed
I'm actually shocked by the quality of the poem
definitely a wonderful read
thanks for sharing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

9 posted 2001-05-17 04:49 PM

Very, very good. I liked this,. I could just feel how sad it was. I know it's in the past, and I'm sure he's ok now, but still sad.
Nice job.

Jenn

"If it's wrong to love you, then my heart just won't let me be right, cause I'm drowned in you, and I won't pull through without you by my side." Mari

IsGona
Senior Member

since 2000-07-14

Posts 723

10 posted 2001-05-17 10:08 PM

awww thank you Jenn. I love visiting my old poems, and it's very flattering that you went back and read it.

I actually noticed something about it. I'm surprised Allan didn't say something (he's usually pretty good at catching this stuff) but I was going for 7,5,7,5 verses and in the second verse second line I missed a syllable. IT should be
"leaving your face wet"
So anyhow, thanks again Jenn.

[This message has been edited by IsGona (edited 05-17-2001).]

Erin
Member Elite

since 2000-06-15

Posts 2527
~Chicago~

11 posted 2001-05-18 12:00 PM

Jason~
Hey there!!! You want me to be honest??? Hmmm that is hard...LOL just playing... I loved it!!! It was a great but yet sad piece...And Im glad I got here in time to read it before it rolled off these pages...Keep up the good work...

"If you should die before me, ask if you could bring a friend."

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

12 posted 2001-05-18 07:28 AM

If Allan misses these thing, be happy! lol jk

Relationships in general suck. Hope your friend gets through it. They're even worse when they end.

Good poem. It rolled of the tongue very nicely.

~AF~

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
~ Unknown ~

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

13 posted 2001-05-18 01:38 PM

the first stanza was truly beautiful and drew me right into this piece. you really wrote the emotions beautifully in this. keep posting your work, i'll keep reading it

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people