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she hums
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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she hums |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
she hums under her breath as she works her life away she doesnt know how to keep still shes constantly on the move she hums under her breath working her fingers to the bone making everything perfect as only she can see fit she hums under her breath as she kills herself slowly making everything orderly to make herself happy “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” "You say i only hear what i want too..." [This message has been edited by knightlyshadows (edited 05-18-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Tiffany Durham - All Rights Reserved | |||
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ShortSexyAngel777 New Member
since 2001-05-17
Posts 9Louisiana, USA |
oh my gosh, i can so relate to that poem. as i took it anyways. my friends are always telling me i work too hard, and i always try to hard to please people, and make things perfect. anyways, very good poem, i enjoyed it.  |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Nice work, Tiffer. She hums... very neat thought.  Keep on sharin' all your work with us. I really think your talent is on the rise. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
this poem was nice...and "she hums under her breath as she kills herself slowly making everything orderly to make herself happy" this part of the poem was pretty real to me...i liekd it and keep writing...tiff...  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
the last stanza was my favorite, you wrote this piece beautifully. i like the way you set up the ending with the other two stanzas as well, good us of repitition. i always like reading your work, keep sharing with us. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I thought you did well on this tiff, but it's not the best you've written. I'm a bit harder on you when I read your poems cuz you post so many and I'm able to decipher which poems I like the most and least. Anyhow, you did well on this one.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Reminds me of a compulsion some kind of a manic compulsive disorder hope things are well Tiff keep sharing hi Sweets, Lizzy, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Val, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Maree, Michel |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
This was so sad...humming always reminded me of happiness but you mixed the two together wonderfully and completely creeped me out! LOL...excellent job...simply amazing in my opinion |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
i really enjoy how you used such a simplistic vocabulary to paint such a vivid picture. very well written. - jen |
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stace_co2003 Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497In a dream world |
it's a nice poem about either perfectionism or someone who is obsessive compulsive. keep up the good work!! I'm just glad that now this rainstorm has ended, and I can see the rainbow once again. |
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never_a_princess Member
since 2001-06-09
Posts 82Show Me the Money |
*nods* yeppums, it made me think of a OCD person..like someone who always has to wash their hands(poor people!)..n~e~wayz..this was kinda short but it flows really nicely *likes* you got the "elegance of a poet" (*steals someone else's words..*)..*hugz*..miss ya girly! keep writing and all that junk..and thanx for the reply to my poem *hehe* i liked it. ~Anna *waves* [This message has been edited by never_a_princess (edited 06-10-2001).] |
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