»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #4
»
Sonnet
| Teen Poetry #4 |
|
Sonnet |
|
|
fozzyozzy Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336Lessburg Virginia 
|
Sonnet Gentle raindrops slowly creeping Captive on the leaves are keeping Love for you shan't be lost Death, Despair is no cost Lover's lie from flattering foe Love for you will always grow Turned about so amiss Lips without maiden's kiss What for what to hold you To kiss, caress, and know you Cliche and burning fire Set to describe my deep desire Love, lady, dost though love me Love, lady, dost though miss me Phoenix and dove; beautious pair Bird of fire, love bird of air Do soar together on rainy breeze Within darkened shadows with lover's ease Bird of fire has caught my heart Leave it to no soul tear us apart "The heart can think of no devotion |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Sean Michael DeFlora - All Rights Reserved | |||
LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
This is a wonderful poem... some really deep and touching emotions here. I really enjoyed this, but it isn't quite a sonnet. From the couplet, it seems like you're trying for Shakespearean. These sonnets have 14 lines, and the rhyme scheme is a-b-a-b-c-d-c-d-e-f-e-f-g-g. There are a lot of other things, including iambic pentamter and the content of the sonnet itself. If you have any other questions, feel free to e-mail me. I'm just beginning to start on sonnets myself, and I'll be glad to help you. Thanks for sharing.  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
||
|
obscurity of cloud Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 294....:::::******:::::.... |
This has such a neat flow, but the title makes it a little confusing (see above expert sonnet advice). Keep posting! "so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost |
||
|
fozzyozzy Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336Lessburg Virginia |
Thanks I should've realized it wasn't a real sonnet. Therefore, I rename this piece... "Phoenix and Dove" "The heart can think of no devotion |
||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Go Erica!  She's getting technical... I love that!  Way to go, girl!Oh and Ozz, sonnet or not this poem rocks. One of the better ones I have seen from you by sure.  Very, very nice work.~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
||
|
anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
nice flow...in a great poem...the meaning behind it was also enjoyable...i liked the whole poem overall...keep writing...  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
||
|
banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
sonnet or not, i like this piece a lot, you wrote it very well. i would be interested to see the results if you tried to follow that format that Erica gave to you, i think you could do well with that. anyway, great job and keep posting. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
||
|
dramaqueen22086 Member
since 2001-05-05
Posts 50Hadlyme, CT |
I especially liked this section a lot…. I think you are a very good, writer, you should put some of your stuff in a poem… and sell it I know I would buy it, if it were me…. seriously job again ~!kellie!~ |
||
|
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Well done on this one. I liked it even thought it wasn't a real sonnet. I thought the poem was beautifully written anyway!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
