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MoeRocko
Member

since 2001-04-25

Posts 166
West Virginia

0 posted 2001-05-17 05:15 PM

Sunrise in the East, set deeply in the west
I stand waiting all day, in my Sunday best
Waiting for something, my false hope
Believing on something that doesn't exist.

Should I stay here, or move on?
I know I should leave, but it's been so long
I feel innocent guiltiness, and wonder whats wong

Guess I'll move on down this dusty road
See if I can change this same mode
Long awaiting that thing to come to me
But nothing on the horizon, nothing I see

If I could just change it, rearrange it
Get away from the blind side of life
Maybe something I don't deserve will come to me
Something I'm not expecting, will set me free
Until then I have to pay life's fee
and wonder what's gonna change me.....

Castles made of sand slip into Sea eventually...

Why do people remind me of vacuums?

Rach813
Junior Member

since 2001-04-17

Posts 30
Maine

1 posted 2001-05-17 05:18 PM

this is a really good poem....I like it a lot...keep up the good work!

~sugarpie313~
Member

since 2000-09-14

Posts 375
Maine, USA

2 posted 2001-05-17 05:52 PM

this was so good! i love it!! mos def goin in my library

Valerie

Why do you do what u do to me baby...you know if I could I'd do anything for you, please don't ignore me cause you know I adore you

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

3 posted 2001-05-17 11:26 PM

You did a very good job of stretching the rhymes... it's hard to do that without making it sound incorrect.
I really like it in this piece, it adds an appropriate sense of redundancy to the flow that I liked.
Nice work, Mr Rocko.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

4 posted 2001-05-18 12:41 PM

personally i thought that the flow was a little choppy in this one but that the poem was still good and well written. i think that the longer lines made the rhythm break off in a few place. still good writing, keep posting all your work

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-05-19 02:31 PM

I thought it was ok. Not the best I've read but nonetheless a good read.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

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