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Junior Member

since 2001-05-17

Posts 18
Lost in my own world

0 posted 2001-05-17 09:31 AM

For a little while...

When I'm not in your arms tonight
Look up at the sky above
Pick a star and think of me
Knowing we were meant to be.

We'll be back together soon enough
Until then times are tough
We are strong, we'll make it through
But I need to know you want this too.

**What's meant to be will always find a way.**

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

1 posted 2001-05-17 11:19 AM

I liked this one loads except in the first stanza you don't ryhme the first two words but in the second stanza you do... I was wondering if this was intentional or if the rymhe throught out was unintentional?

Anyway great poem keep on sharing.
Zu

" The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots" -Thomas jefferson

E-mail/Msn: [email protected]

obscurity of cloud
Member

since 2001-05-11

Posts 294
....:::::******:::::....

2 posted 2001-05-17 11:25 AM

I had the same problem in reading it as zu, but overall i really liked the feel of it. Keep posting!

"so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

3 posted 2001-05-17 10:33 PM

Great work, I didn't mind the unusual rhyme myself. The lack of meter makes this poem read through not with a wonderful flow or anything, but that is compensated by its size.
I personally feel this poem is fine the way it is. Nice work.

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

4 posted 2001-05-18 09:24 AM

i thought the rhyme of this is really what made this a wonderful piece, i like this a lot. the second staza was particularly fantastic. i like this piece, keep sharing your work with us.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

5 posted 2001-05-18 10:52 AM

This was so sad ::hugs:: stay strong hun

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

6 posted 2001-05-19 01:41 PM

I liked this poem and wish you the best of luck with the person you're talking about in the poem.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

7 posted 2001-05-31 07:15 PM

Way to look at things in life. Very positive thoughts. Keep it up. thanks for sharing

I'm so sorry for doubting you Kit ... please forgive me!!!!

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