navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #4 » For a little while...
Teen Poetry #4
Post A Reply Post New Topic For a little while... Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Hidden
Junior Member
since 2001-05-17
Posts 18
Lost in my own world

0 posted 2001-05-17 09:31 AM


For a little while...

When I'm not in your arms tonight
Look up at the sky above
Pick a star and think of me
Knowing we were meant to be.

We'll be back together soon enough
Until then times are tough
We are strong, we'll make it through
But I need to know you want this too.

**What's meant to be will always find a way.**

© Copyright 2001 Renee - All Rights Reserved
Marshalzu
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681
Lurking
1 posted 2001-05-17 11:19 AM


I liked this one loads except in the first stanza you don't ryhme the first two words but in the second stanza you do... I was wondering if this was intentional or if the rymhe throught out was unintentional?  
Anyway great poem keep on sharing.
Zu

" The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots" -Thomas jefferson

E-mail/Msn: Targetmrzu@hotmail.com

obscurity of cloud
Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 294
....:::::******:::::....
2 posted 2001-05-17 11:25 AM


I had the same problem in reading it as zu, but overall i really liked the feel of it.  Keep posting!

"so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost

Allan Riverwood
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
3 posted 2001-05-17 10:33 PM


Great work, I didn't mind the unusual rhyme myself.  The lack of meter makes this poem read through not with a wonderful flow or anything, but that is compensated by its size.  
I personally feel this poem is fine the way it is.  Nice work.  
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

banburycross
Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
4 posted 2001-05-18 09:24 AM


i thought the rhyme of this is really what made this a wonderful piece, i like this a lot.  the second staza was particularly fantastic.  i like this piece, keep sharing your work with us.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

xShUgArHiGhx
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
5 posted 2001-05-18 10:52 AM


This was so sad ::hugs:: stay strong hun
Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
6 posted 2001-05-19 01:41 PM


I liked this poem and wish you the best of luck with the person you're talking about in the poem.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
7 posted 2001-05-31 07:15 PM


Way to look at things in life.  Very positive thoughts.  Keep it up.  thanks for sharing

I'm so sorry for doubting you Kit ... please forgive me!!!!

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #4 » For a little while...

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary