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Teen Poetry #4
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The most Controversial poem ever
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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The most Controversial poem ever |
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Lucius Cade Member
since 2000-03-23
Posts 235Saskatchewan |
Sorry if this gets some people upset, but I have to post it. I dont quite feel like getting into a Religion fight, I just want to express the way I feel. Please read and consider what each line is saying. Here goes.... In this hour, when your subjects refuse to bow? Can it be, the almighty, isn't all that grand? Can it be, the creator, is in truth rather bland? Gospel and angels and all things heavenly holy, "Ramblings of lunatics and dreamers solely." Should it be, that we faithless so blindly follow? Should it be, with proof so completely hollow? Indeed, I believe, an end shall soon be for your reign, Your preachings, hypocrisy and mockery we disdain. Your altar baptized in our wrathful flood of tears "As you divinely provide false hope for real fears" Perchance, most likely, you're just a holy hoax, Purely the imagination of control famished popes. Would it be, oh master, unfair for us to judge? Would it be, like our heaven that us you begrudge? More likely, your Fraudulence sits above, Observes our misery and enjoys our love. No more shall your sheep around you flock Your shepherd's image murdered, a laughingstock. And all the while you, your highness, does prance about, Love, peace and brotherhood you proudly tout. "An angelically holy excuse for war and hate," "Lucrative when souls are sold for a higher rate." Could it be, oh lord, you're simply an apparition? Could it be, you're not responsible for our condition? Who shall we turn to now and thank at dinner? Who shall be there to help the poor sinner? Aye, I believe, there's nothing heavenly but the sky, No Gabriel, pious Christians or lord on high. Just a world full of believing, trusting little fools Eager to please and follow all the Bible's rules Support groups of religion for weak-minded hordes, "Makeshift superiority to reap their god's rewards." Only those few immune to commercialized creed, Who, for illusioned faith, they refuse to bleed The truth these pagans indeed do witness and insist, "You, dear god, have never, and will never, exist." |
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| © Copyright 2001 Lucius Cade - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Words_of_Glitter Member
since 2000-10-25
Posts 90USA |
Discussing the structure of the poem is cool. Even discussing the content is fine. Using loaded words that put down other people, however, is not okay. Post removed. [This message has been edited by Ron (edited 01-23-2001).] |
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Morouxshi San Member
since 2000-10-11
Posts 207San Juan, Puerto Rico |
controversial yes. maybe youll get to see a lot of replys and opinions. heres mine: do not be so sure about that wich you think is true if others can prove otherwise, no matter from where or from what school of thought they come from. always face the world with a students mind. San, the wise San, the dumb San, the guy... |
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Ninja Moogle New Member
since 2001-01-23
Posts 2 |
Inappropriate response had been the deleted. Well, so much for a temporary cooling-off period. It just became permanent. [This message has been edited by Ron (edited 01-23-2001).] |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
Controversial? I don't think so. You expressed your beliefs here beautifully. And I don't think you should have to excuse your self before hand to do so. Your poem read very nicely, and the rhyme was nice too. My favorite line is: "As you divinely provide false hope for real fears" Nice job I can really relate ~Jason EDIT after NINJA SLIPPED IN PLEASE!!! Let's not do this again. I think we all have to be more careful with our posts nd I'm not Putting blame on you or any one that has posted so don't reply in defense of yourself, I can just see this turning into a nightmare and I'm asking that we do not let it. < !signature--> "Every body has their destiny... I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN ~Hatebreed~ [This message has been edited by IsGona (edited 01-23-2001).] |
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Ninja Moogle New Member
since 2001-01-23
Posts 2 |
Post deleted, User Name banned. [This message has been edited by Ron (edited 01-23-2001).] |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
Ok I shouldn't reply because I'm just making it worse but... I'm human First off the first part of your reply I agreed with and I thought you had the right, and should have said that. Secondly... Maybe this should have been first. You need to learn how to be respectful. You were banned from here for a reason, right or worng this is not your website. Thirdly... This has to do with respect again. My statements were purely what I thought about this poem and the subject matter. I did not force my beliefs onto any other ppl. So whatever, between us we just ruined another piece of poetry and I feel ashamed, but I can't seem to stop my self from postnig this. I apologize, Lucius Cade. ~Jason "Every body has their destiny... I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN ~Hatebreed~ |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
I am not going to mention anything about my own beliefs, but I'd like to tell Lucius Cade that the poem was structured very well. I think you knew you were going to get conflicting opinions when you posted this (I'm just guessing), and I hope we can all look at what everyone is saying and see other sides of the idea. "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669Michigan, US |
While I'm hardly qualified to define "good" poetry, I think I can pinpoint a few qualities it generally avoids. Rarely do you find sweeping generalizations in good poetry, but rather a concentration on what something means at a very personal, very individual level. Describing how something makes you feel is quite different than simply providing a litany of opinions. Your structure shows talent and suggests a willingness to put a bit of sweat into your work. I certainly would never presume to know a person's motivations for what they write, or how dear a subject rests in their hearts, but frankly your title suggests a sensationalism that is discouraged in these forums. Writers write to clarify, not simply to provoke or gain attention. Both provocation and attention arise from the message, from the talent, and not as the message. Your title, if not your poem, suggests more provocation than clarification. I sincerely hope that's not the case. |
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Greeneyes617 Member
since 2000-11-22
Posts 329Arkansas |
Although I disagree I think you did a wonderful job of putting what you feel/belive into words. It was nicely written and poetry is always a good way to express yourself. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This poem was amazing. Written with such a passion I can't even compare it to a lot of poems here. You feel so strongly about this and I admire the passion felt writing. NICE ONE HERE.......one of the best posts I've read in such a long time. Now....my personal opinion contradicts this COMPLETELY haha....i'm one of those "trusting little fools"......but I'm very open-minded and I appreciate this piece for what it is. Very nicely done. Oh....and what San said....very true.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Luscious my dear fellow poet, I think I have fallen in love with you. *L* ok maybe not that far but this would have to be my favourite piece of writing at the moment now. I am not going to launch into religion here but you have expressed exactly what I feel so strongly about perfectly. This is a truely magnificent piece of writing and I hope that you are very proud of it. The structure and content was delicately written. In calling it "The Most Controversial Poem Ever" I think you may have been hinting for something to happen. It is just what is going through my head, however it may be incorrect. I think to keep the opinions about Religion low and to stop people from jumping the gun in order to defend themselves and their faith, a change in title would have been more appropriate. I do commend you though for stating what you believe in and having the 'faith' in yourself to express it. Bravo. ~AF~ "Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." Buddha |
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peanogrl83 Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202 |
YOU ******* THAT"S MY POEM THAT"S MY POEM. IT"S IN TEEN #3! IT"S CALLED DEAR GOD. I WROTE IT 5 MONTHS AGO.IT"S MY WORK! HOW COULD YOU STEAL MY WORK?! HOW COULD YOU?! THA"T MINE! VRENI |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
Well nice poem Vreni, I really liked it THIS HAS BECOME A VERY UNFORTUNATE THREAD "Every body has their destiny... I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN ~Hatebreed~ |
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peanogrl83 Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202 |
Thank you jason, please spread the word that we have a thief in the forum. This is unacceptable. Threats will do no good. Just know that this is awful, and I hope none of you have to go through the pain of having their work stolen. I BEG a moderator to close this and leave the message that it is unacceptable. Vreni [This message has been edited by peanogrl83 (edited 01-23-2001).] |
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Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669Michigan, US |
This thread has, indeed, become a very unfortunate one. The poem is called "Questions for God," not "Dear God," and it's in Teen #2, not Teen #3 - but it IS the same identical poem, word for word. Lucius Cade's posting privileges have been suspended until he personally contacts me with an explanation and assurance this won't be repeated. Unfortunately, I am also suspending privileges for peanogrl83 for the remainder of this month. Being angry, even being justly angry, is no excuse for ignoring our Guidelines. The rules don't exist so you can follow them only when it's convenient. They exist because, without them, this place becomes just another mediocre cesspool on the Internet. The Teen forum will cease to exist before I allow that to happen. Vreni, I am sincerely sorry someone took your work as their own. Your anger is understandable. Your reaction is understandable. You actions and language, however, are just as unacceptable in these forums as misappropriation of someone else's work. Write me in February, if you like, and we'll discuss returning. |
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