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vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

0 posted 2001-05-14 11:29 AM

Hey guys I havent really been around much lately, but I wrote this one last night and wanted to share it with you. Let me know what you think. Thanks.

~*Nikki*~
____________________________________________________
"Don't"

Don’t say something,
if it’s not true.
Don’t pretend to care,
if I can see right through you.

Don’t say you’re my friend,
if you’re going to talk about me.
Don’t try to open my eyes,
if you can’t even see.

Don’t stand by my side,
if you’re just going to walk away.
Don’t talk to me,
if you have nothing to say.

Don’t get my hopes up,
if you’re just going to bring them down.
Don’t try to make me smile,
if you’re eventually going to make me frown.

Don’t promise me something,
if you don’t intend to keep it.
Don’t ignite my candle,
if you know it won’t stay lit.

Don’t ask me something,
if you don’t know why.
But most of all-don’t tell me something,
if you know it will make me cry.

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

~*brittt*~
Member

since 2001-05-09

Posts 76
East Haddam, CT

1 posted 2001-05-14 12:08 PM

Nikki:
Hey, I'm the first one to respond!Yay. Anyway, this is so sad. Like all ur poems, hun why are you so sad? I love you! (this poem isnt about me is it?) Anyway, cheer up and come 2 school 2morrow!!
~britt~

Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

2 posted 2001-05-14 12:43 PM

This was really good work. "Don't" was a perfect title and the don't's through out the piece helped it along.
hope all is well
Regina

"Take a look at my face, there's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you"bon jovi

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

3 posted 2001-05-14 01:44 PM

the ending of this piece gave me shivers, i'm adding this beautiful poem to my library as we speak. you did beautifully with this, i hope you'll be back here more, i like reading your work. keep posting

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

TearsOfPearls
Member

since 1999-09-23

Posts 322
Vereeniging, South-Africa

4 posted 2001-05-14 02:30 PM

Wow, man...this was so powerfull. Wonderfull...no...excellent poem! Keep up the good writing.

Planning big can be a gamble...I have already rolled the dice!

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

5 posted 2001-05-14 02:52 PM

wow!! i loved it..great poem..i enjoyed every verse in here...very moving poem..thanks for the awesome read nikki...

...?

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 05-14-2001).]

*~valeria~*
Junior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 10
East Haddam, CT

6 posted 2001-05-15 11:51 AM

hey hun. this poem is soo sad!! but anyway like brit said you have to stop being so sad!! cheer up hunny!

*~*~VALERIA~*~*

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

7 posted 2001-05-15 07:28 PM

I like this, Nikki. However I felt the repitition was a bit overdone, even if it was only the first part of every other line. I think if you cut this down to the start of each stanza instead it would read through a lot better.

Just my humble opinion.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

8 posted 2001-05-16 07:21 PM

Indeed....but yer tellin the guy how to treat you and that's good. Stand up for yourself....you deserve to be treated like a queen, grant it- you treat him like a king.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

9 posted 2001-05-17 11:55 AM

Thanks for the replies guys. Allan, I like this the way that it is and am not going to change it, but thanks for the suggestion.

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

10 posted 2001-05-18 11:34 AM

This is very expressive
Makes me feel bad for you

~*hugs*~
Hope things get better

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Godsend_1
Member

since 2001-04-19

Posts 247
great state of illinois

11 posted 2001-05-18 12:05 PM

Rock on nikki i seriously have to say this is an amazing poem and i really love all that you write keep it up and if ya ever need a friend just call on me ok bye hun i love ya

ben

i am what i am and that is all that i am and all that i shall ever be..so deal with it
to make the world the greatest place is the perfect dream in

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

12 posted 2001-05-18 12:16 PM

I really liked this one. I decided to send it to one of my "friends" and see what she thinks. We already have a problem anyway.

Anyways, great job!

*~*Amanda*~*

My tears roll right down my cheeks, but they all soak into my pillow. I feel kinda sorry for it...

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

13 posted 2001-05-23 05:44 PM

This was a really good poem. I really enjoyed it

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