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LoneWolf
Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 384
IL

0 posted 2001-05-13 08:22 PM

Dunno what this is or where it came from, but here it is

“Untitled”
Darkness shrouds my gaze
As I wonder through this maze
Tormented by my rage

It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that.

I've learned that even when you

Chel
Senior Member

since 2000-07-01

Posts 511
Baltimore, MD, USA

1 posted 2001-05-13 08:25 PM

strong piece. i liked it. keep up the good work.

Chel

"True friends stab you in the front."
"You are special and unique in your own way." "Always remember compliments you received; forget about the rude

stace_co2003
Member

since 2001-03-30

Posts 497
In a dream world

2 posted 2001-05-13 08:38 PM

that's really great...I hope you don't really feel rage...hmm...maybe I should run now...

*s*
Stace

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

3 posted 2001-05-14 12:22 PM

short but powerful...great job..i like dit...

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-05-17 09:01 PM

I'm guessing what you meant by the first sentence that you wrote it but don't know where in your mind it came from....right?

in that case, i liked it.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

obscurity of cloud
Member

since 2001-05-11

Posts 294
....:::::******:::::....

5 posted 2001-05-17 09:32 PM

This is really powerful. You've managed to put a lot of emotion into 3 lines. Bravo.

"so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost

pharon
Member

since 1999-11-13

Posts 251
alabama

6 posted 2001-05-17 10:25 PM

dang...those three lines just summed up my life right now...

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

7 posted 2001-05-27 04:00 PM

Great words to express. keep it up

I'm so sorry for doubting you Kit ... please forgive me!!!!

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

8 posted 2001-05-28 11:09 AM

Lonewolf, this piece although short, is extremely powerful. For that, the library has a nice cushy spot for it. I have to ask though, you have a 5-7-6 syllable count. When I read it, it had the ring of a senryu. Then the last line and it was out by one. It would make a damn good senryu if you fixed up the last line.
OR
You could keep it like this and have it rock as much as it does now.

Either way, you've got a winner on your hands.

~AF~

Know what you want. Become your real self.
~ David Harold Fink ~

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

9 posted 2001-05-28 11:14 AM

Great work Lonewolf I enjoyed the read this is a very emotional piece and one for the library me thinks.

Zu

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