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Teen Poetry #4
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MoeRocko
Member
since 2001-04-25
Posts 166
West Virginia

0 posted 2001-05-13 01:47 PM



I can't sleep
I can't wake
What is this?
Am I dreaming?

Am I awake?
Why must it be like this?

Castles made of sand slip into Sea eventually...

Why do people remind me of vacuums?

© Copyright 2001 Ewok Enterprise - All Rights Reserved
knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision
1 posted 2001-05-13 01:52 PM


hah lol u dodo *hugs* loves ya muchs
cutishness poem
tiff

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

"You say i only hear what i want too..."

obscurity of cloud
Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 294
....:::::******:::::....
2 posted 2001-05-13 04:23 PM


This is neat, it kind of reminds me of "Insomniac Insignia" that i posted yesterday, same number of lines...so let me compliment you on your form, theme, and title!  We shouldn't ever collaborate; no one would get any sleep    

"so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost

LoveBug
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

3 posted 2001-05-13 05:10 PM


Greetings, my fellow West Virginian! This is a very good piece, but perhaps you should look into metimic scheme. Its used in all the geat poems, and it really shows when a poet can master it. Anyway, this piece is still excellent! Thanks for sharing.

"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli

Child of the Stars
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
4 posted 2001-05-13 05:50 PM


Hahaha....lovin' it! My two fave subjects to think about and learn about.  
  ~Carly

"I'll take in anyone who's taking off their camouflage..." ~Third Eye Blind~Camouflage

stace_co2003
Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497
In a dream world
5 posted 2001-05-13 06:02 PM


that's neat!! lol, it's cute...
nice!!  
Stace

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
6 posted 2001-05-16 03:42 AM


I enjoyed the poem....sometimes we are blessed with things unblessed....did that make sense?
I don't think so....oh well.
Sorry yer going through that.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

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