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Teen Poetry #4
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Ender
Member
since 1999-12-08
Posts 200
Yuma, AZ USA

0 posted 2001-05-11 11:44 AM


i was going through my old poetry from teen forum #2 (ancient isnt it) and i found this one....it really meant alot to me so i decided to repost it...


You do not seem to always be there
When I am around you
You seem to be in a dreamland
With your Prince Valiant
And not with me
The one you know cares
And when I am not around
I feel like you just are playing
Playing to be my friend
When all you want to do is get my hopes up
But, what if it works
And you do get my hopes up
Will you just drop them
Like a brick from a building
Or will you continue playing
Playing to be my friend

Is this just a game to you
Are you having fun
Or are you seriously being
A great friend of mine
Perhaps I will never know
Unless I get the guts
To be able to ask you
And find out what is true.


*Blonde people are normal. Everyone else is just strange. -Ender*

© Copyright 2001 Richard Melick - All Rights Reserved
Elizabeth
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Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871
Minnesota
1 posted 2001-05-11 11:46 AM


Sad when people play games like this, isn't it? Hope that everything worked out between you and your friend.  
banburycross
Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
2 posted 2001-05-11 11:59 AM


wow, you've been a member for a long time.  well i'm glad that you decided to start posting your work again, i am really enjoying it.  keep posting, and great job on this  

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Ender
Member
since 1999-12-08
Posts 200
Yuma, AZ USA
3 posted 2001-05-11 02:48 PM


Thanx banbury...life has been very hectic with school and until now, i havent had any inspiration for my poems....but i met a girl who has made my heart melt and giving me something wonderful to write about

If I could be anything in the world, I would want to be your tear.  I would be born in your eyes, live on your cheek, and die on your lips.  -Ender

Allan Riverwood
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Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
4 posted 2001-05-11 05:49 PM


It's great to hear that you are writing again, and have joined us to share!  
This poem was great, but my critique would be that the lines led into one another as though they weren't seperate lines in some places.  like

"A great friend of mine
Perhaps I will never know
Unless I get the guts
To be able to ask you
And find out what is true."

See how a few parts of this were single sentences that were broken mid-sentence to form more than one line?  I didn't like that, and I don't like that in poetry, personally.
Of course, that might just be me.  
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
5 posted 2001-05-16 04:51 AM


I liked the poem. QUite old too!
You found a treasure there hehe.....thanks for the repost!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Ender
Member
since 1999-12-08
Posts 200
Yuma, AZ USA
6 posted 2001-05-16 10:06 AM


thanx dopey....

If I could be anything in the world, I would want to be your tear.  I would be born in your eyes, live on your cheek, and die on your lips.  -Ender

Voyce
Junior Member
since 2000-01-30
Posts 13
Colorado
7 posted 2001-05-16 10:07 AM


Pretty good.  I like all the poems that you have posted so far.  Keep up the good work
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