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Teen Poetry #4
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my personal poison
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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my personal poison |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
The venom courses through tired veins, burning slowly into my essence, and patiently dripping into my heart. It surfaces in the pools of my eyes, as i turn my inward gaze against the dark shadows, and barely concealed cracks. I see the wreckage of my failures. Where i balanced my sanity, on the edge of imagined perfection. Where i stacked my careful dreams, on tiny slivers of hope that melt in my own flames. I watch the cracks slowly widen, weighed by lofty expectations, i never measure up to. There, my bloody being, in the image of my reflection, as i beg an honest mirror, to show me someone else. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Peter - All Rights Reserved | |||
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mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
wow... I really like your choice of words in every line, they make everything vivid. |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
To me your first three lines forced me to start looking deeper at things in the poem. That's an awesome thing. Great job of expressing your thoughts in this, and I hope the image can be pleasing to you soon. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
great words... great imagery.. great meanings.. this was a really beautiful poem.. i enjoyed it much... i liked it thanks for the read peter..cya...  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
i just forgot to say this was in one word "awesome"... huh? but..haha..cya~ if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
I agree with albert. AWESOME> ANyways, you remind me of my friend Mike. He writes similar to the way you do. Byes>  I wish people would stop telling me that I can do anything I want to. I never thought that I couldn't. |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
very powerful poem.....  |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
this was very awesome. Great vocabulary, powerful imagey and hard impact. Great things in poetry. Regina "Take a look at my face, there's no price I won't pay |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Well I don't know what to say, everyone has already said it all. Great poem I guess is that's left to say so " Great poem" Zu " The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots" -Thomas jefferson |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
The way this was written made it very free-versish... no meter, no rhyme... just poetry. It's interesting, but I'd like to be able to compliment the mechanical portion of it. Stupid free verse. Your choice of words in many of the lines makes this one have impact, but personally I like your other work better. Must just be my taste...  ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Hey, "Ben my friend," I stole your line. Even made it ryhme I know you'ev noticed I am acting slow you know It must have been something I ate But just to let you know this poem was great Okay give me a break I am really sleepy and that was really stupid (after 10 I get stupider by the min) to write but what ever. Your poem was really good.until your next masterpiece-- Linc "Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment." |
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
Well hi there. Everyone said pretty much everything so far..not leaving me too much to say. So I'll try to think harder...hmm. The last verse sounds like something I'd say. If you don't get that just ignore it ok? lol well good poem  Bel |
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obscurity of cloud Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 294....:::::******:::::.... |
I really liked your phrasing of "i beg an honest mirror..." -- great diction and flow. "so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
Where i balanced my sanity, on the edge of imagined perfection. I really liked something about these lines. Dont ask what, I couldnt tell you. Keep it up! *~*Amanda*~* |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
You did very well on this one Ban!!! I really liked this one!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
The way you put your words together and expressed yourself in this one made this piece so beautiful!! You did very well, I enjoyed reading this one alot. ~*Nikki*~ ~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~ |
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Godsend_1 Member
since 2001-04-19
Posts 247great state of illinois |
truely amazing my friend i really liked the imagery and your choice of words was excellent i like the messege the poem gave and it made me think and i really like that keep it up man you rock ben i am what i am and that is all that i am and all that i shall ever be......so deal with it |
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