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Teen Poetry #4
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knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision

0 posted 2001-05-09 09:28 PM


the light swings

flash
a glimpse of your face
gray...cold
but its you
i know its you
who else has that face
beautiful face

flash
i wence
im looking into hell
the face
your face
no expression...bleak
beautiful face
face of hell

flash
so beautiful
even now
cold...so cold
face of hell
beautiful face
lifeless
face of death

the light swings

flash
...three seconds
flash
...so slow
flash
...too soon

o God
cold
lifeless
your face
beautiful face
face of hell
face of death
the light swings


“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

U in the dark u in the pain u on the run
Living a hell living ur ghost living ur hell

[This message has been edited by knightlyshadows (edited 05-09-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Tiffany Durham - All Rights Reserved
sleepymoongirl
Member
since 2001-04-19
Posts 157
bc canada
1 posted 2001-05-09 09:55 PM


wow tifferz that poem was awesome.  i liked ur imagriy i know i can't spell   but it was good all the same can't wait to read more by u loves ya from me

as u go in life there will be ur hardships it is up to u if it makes u or breaks u.  

Allan Riverwood
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
2 posted 2001-05-10 12:03 PM


Imagery.  And yes, there was good imagery.  GREAT imagery.
I love this poem... it's probably the best one I read all day.  It's the first of the day to enter my library.
The swinging light was such an awesome idea to contrast with the rest of the poem.  You described it so well, it was very dark and I loved everything about it.  Namely the way you said "flash" at the start of some stanzas and that second last stanza blew me away.  
Incredible work here, I can't praise it enough.  
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

3 posted 2001-05-10 03:22 AM


awesome imagery...you have showed me thru this poem..i think you wrote thsi very well...great poem...and keep writing... ...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

banburycross
Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
4 posted 2001-05-10 10:52 AM


I'm with allan on this one, this may be my favorite poem by you.  i really love the images in this one and you wrote it beautifully.  a poem that will definetely grace my library    keep posting all your work.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

MoeRocko
Member
since 2001-04-25
Posts 166
West Virginia
5 posted 2001-05-10 05:43 PM


Groovy Tiffopolis

This one is good..... words bring this one to reality in my mind  Keel

Castles made of sand slip into Sea eventually...

Why do people remind me of vacuums?

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
6 posted 2001-05-10 08:42 PM


The way this is written is really cool, good job on writing it!

"Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle" Plato.

Acies
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Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
7 posted 2001-05-13 12:08 PM


Amazing read Tiff
I seem to be going thru a lot of your poem lately
hmmmm.....
you must be sharing 3 everyday
that's good, take advantage of it  
we'll be here to read em
thanks for sharing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
8 posted 2001-05-17 02:53 PM


This was extremely well done. I really enjoyed this one Tiff. Wow.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Allan Riverwood
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
9 posted 2001-05-17 11:00 PM


*bump*ing this.... to get a few more peeks.

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

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