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shark skin thing
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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shark skin thing |
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Tangerines Junior Member
since 2001-05-07
Posts 22Richmond, Virginia |
Erm. I'm not entirely pleased with this - give me feedback. I want to know what to do to make it better. Dedicated to my friend Jessica. i'm singing my soul down. not four notes. i wonder what he was thinking, looking at this same painting, studying the fractured lines of his palms. finding secrets in a deep place filled with starfish and small glowing lights, i could count the days on fingers. i do. each wordless hour stings like alcohol on an open wound. still open. still having salt rubbed into it. this afternoon i watched them in the sun. i'm unseen, part of pavement or sky. everything is my fault: unsaid but spoken by default, by the pauses between the furious benedictions she threw at me. if it ends here i'll close my eyes and never birth another whisper of betrayal, my anguish wrapped up tight in layers of cellophane and brown paper. forgive. forgive. too many days alone leave me blind, stumbling, unsure of where i am and where i need to be. "I don't judge people, I just watch them till it's time to look away. I wanna look away now." - Kristin Hersh |
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| © Copyright 2001 Susan - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Silver Butterfly Junior Member
since 2001-03-13
Posts 42Between here and the end |
Wow, that was really good. You're imagery was fantastic and you kept to the topic amazingly well. Excellent. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
great poem...nicely done and written i liekd it...keep writing   ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
Wow *speechless*  Bel Oh yea, love the line bout glowing lights.. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I see why you didn't like it, but still it was a great poem. What I'd recommend would be irrelevant because your style seems to be very opposite my own... I'll not intervene.  Wish I could be of more help. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
this is a really deep peace, the imagery and symbolism is truly incredible in this. hee hee, knowing jessica i think this one would go a bit over her head sorry that was uncalled for. anyway, i liked this a lot, keep posting all your work.Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I disagree with you I think this is a great poem keep sharing and thanks for the read "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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obscurity of cloud Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 294....:::::******:::::.... |
This is GREAT. I really love the references to benediction and forgiveness. Keep posting! "so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost |
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Marshalzu 
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Great poem thanx for sharing hope to see more soon. Zu " The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots" -Thomas jefferson |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I LOVED this...and I love you!  Your poems have amazed me....every single one of them. You are such a wonderful poet! MORE!!!!!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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