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chas
Member

since 2001-04-08

Posts 101
Lynn, ma

0 posted 2001-05-08 10:53 AM

Rainy day no play outside,
Rainbow forming in the sky,
missing child no where in sight,
mother crying wondering why,
angels searching from dust till dawn,
night time falls to demon's hand,
search has ended child gone,
everyone wondering, no one understands.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2001-05-08 10:55 AM

this is heartbreaking.....

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

2 posted 2001-05-08 11:00 AM

i really enjoyed the meaning even tho...it was a sad one..but i thought the rym and flow was kinda iffy..other then that i thought you did just fine...cya~

ps..no more..."ummmm chocolate!!!!!"

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

chas
Member

since 2001-04-08

Posts 101
Lynn, ma

3 posted 2001-05-08 11:07 AM

well, the title is what the poem is all about,

.ummmm chocolate!! and a little awww milk!!

vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

4 posted 2001-05-08 11:52 AM

This was so sad. You didn't use alot of words to get your point across, but you definitely didn't have to. I liked this so much that it's being added to my library. Excellent work!

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

Pixie-Babe03
Member

since 2000-08-29

Posts 387
Central Maine

5 posted 2001-05-08 02:31 PM

again, wonderful work! you have much talent and have a way with words, this flowed very nicely.
*Justine*

lonely*soul
Member

since 2001-04-05

Posts 396
east haddam (moodus) ct :)

6 posted 2001-05-08 07:17 PM

i gotta asks..what is up with the chocolate...gawd...lol..neways i like this one..short and sweet! just the way i like em!
*KiMMiE*

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

7 posted 2001-05-08 07:19 PM

This one was really sad. I agree with everyone else. You didnt need alot of words to get your point across. Great job!

*~*Amanda*~*

My tears roll right down my cheeks, but they all soak into my pillow. I feel kinda sorry for it...

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

8 posted 2001-05-08 08:25 PM

Nicely done... a very thought-poking poem.
Let me go get a q-tip...
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

9 posted 2001-05-09 10:24 AM

i liked the title of this piece a lot and i liked the sadness that you created with your words. i thought that the very last line of this was too long and hurt the flow, but a good job overall. keep posting all your work.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

ScarletPoetess
Junior Member

since 2001-05-09

Posts 18

10 posted 2001-05-09 10:43 AM

This is very sad. I liked it, the images are great. Good job.

Scarlet

I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel. I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

11 posted 2001-05-11 12:11 PM

this is a great poem, but sad topic
now I feel bad

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

12 posted 2001-05-11 01:14 PM

when doesn't acire feel bad?
Anyway, good job on the poem, I thought it was written well.

"Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle" Plato.

Low Man's Lyric
Member

since 2001-04-03

Posts 236
In a dream

13 posted 2001-05-11 04:08 PM

Wow awesome job, I really like your poems chas. Keep pumping them out.

Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend."
~Anonymous

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

14 posted 2001-05-11 04:16 PM

Wow great poem, very thought provoking and sad but very good.
Zu

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

15 posted 2001-05-16 01:24 AM

VERY well done....short and kick butt!
I really liked it.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

16 posted 2001-05-17 11:37 AM

Oh my god this was so sad!!! Short and sweet and soooo full of emotion...amazing job on this!

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