Teen Poetry #4 |
the hands of man |
chas Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 101Lynn, ma |
Rainy day no play outside, Rainbow forming in the sky, missing child no where in sight, mother crying wondering why, angels searching from dust till dawn, night time falls to demon's hand, search has ended child gone, everyone wondering, no one understands. |
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© Copyright 2001 chas - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
this is heartbreaking..... |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
i really enjoyed the meaning even tho...it was a sad one..but i thought the rym and flow was kinda iffy..other then that i thought you did just fine...cya~ ps..no more..."ummmm chocolate!!!!!" ...? if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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chas Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 101Lynn, ma |
well, the title is what the poem is all about, .ummmm chocolate!! and a little awww milk!! |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
This was so sad. You didn't use alot of words to get your point across, but you definitely didn't have to. I liked this so much that it's being added to my library. Excellent work! ~*Nikki*~ ~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~ |
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Pixie-Babe03 Member
since 2000-08-29
Posts 387Central Maine |
again, wonderful work! you have much talent and have a way with words, this flowed very nicely. *Justine* |
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lonely*soul Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396east haddam (moodus) ct :) |
i gotta asks..what is up with the chocolate...gawd...lol..neways i like this one..short and sweet! just the way i like em! *KiMMiE* |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
This one was really sad. I agree with everyone else. You didnt need alot of words to get your point across. Great job! *~*Amanda*~* |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Nicely done... a very thought-poking poem. Let me go get a q-tip... ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
i liked the title of this piece a lot and i liked the sadness that you created with your words. i thought that the very last line of this was too long and hurt the flow, but a good job overall. keep posting all your work. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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ScarletPoetess Junior Member
since 2001-05-09
Posts 18 |
This is very sad. I liked it, the images are great. Good job. Scarlet |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
this is a great poem, but sad topic now I feel bad "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
when doesn't acire feel bad? Anyway, good job on the poem, I thought it was written well. "Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle" Plato. |
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Low Man's Lyric Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236In a dream |
Wow awesome job, I really like your poems chas. Keep pumping them out. Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend." |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Wow great poem, very thought provoking and sad but very good. Zu |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
VERY well done....short and kick butt! I really liked it. I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Oh my god this was so sad!!! Short and sweet and soooo full of emotion...amazing job on this! |
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