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Teen Poetry #4
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Silence" (Collaboration with JBaker515)
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Silence" (Collaboration with JBaker515) |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg 
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(Everyone is probably surprised. Jeff Baker was talking to me about "dark poetry..." he was wondering about "dark love poetry," a term I have mentioned before. He started something and showed me, we agreed it would make a killer intro... I asked him if he minded if we collaborated and he said "sure thing!" So here's our final product... a little bit of my style, a bit of Jeff. We hope you all enjoy! ~Allan  )Silence, The ignorant cries of hell. Of demons yearning, Devils dancing, Souls weeping. How can nothing kill as so? How do the stabs penetrate Like a thousand dogs knawing at your dreams Biting your flesh Licking your crimson wounds. All this, Because you wouldn't answer the silence of my cries. He sings into the point of light that stands before his bed a shear, a tear, that rakes his cheek and puddles 'neath his head Still laying, pondering on love for what to touch before him the light's allure to shine demure still glitt'ring, sparkling for him But when he lifts his hand to touch the rays about her face she smiles and tilts her spectral hips and taunts his lack of grace For he was just an oily beast composed of teeth and hair for him, no woman would arrive for him, no love was there The tears behind his beady eyelids that pressed on for release would be so sweet for air to meet and hit the silken fleece But spinning, dancing, was the light that shone forever on The beast beneath the bedspread lay submitting to the dawn The cries of pain can't be heard above the torment. The laughter of the ignorant feeds my pain and fire. My pain subsides, I swallow my tears and emerge. The scars no longer visible to the untortured souls. The demons of this world are now free to hurt me again. But sometimes, I wonder, does the silence hurt more? [This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 05-08-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
wow....that really took my breath away! i loved the imagery within this piece...i literally felt the dogs knawing at my flesh! jbaker always writes beautifully and this collaboration with you allan is brilliant! for a few moments i was completely speechless and all i was doing was staring at the bit in white at the bottom of the post....a job extremly well done! "Life is not long and boring, it's short and compelling." -Javier Agosto- [This message has been edited by cherish (edited 05-08-2001).] |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
ok ...so i loved this one sooo much i wanted to reply twice....hehehhehe  good thing i have him around huh? "Life is not long and boring, it's short and compelling." -Javier Agosto- [This message has been edited by cherish (edited 05-08-2001).] |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
wooow!!!..awesome poem..you guys esp when it was done by the poetic allan and the romantist jeff..haha..  ..bt yea..i thought you guys did a wonderful job this is definity one great poem in a long time..keep writing..great idea on the "dark love"...awesome just awesome... ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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Marshalzu 
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Wow Great collaberation guys well done I really loved your style." The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots" -Thomas jefferson |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
I really liked this one... really different from most I read here. Great job there boys! Jenn "I've come too close to happiness, to have it swept away,don't think I can take the pain, never fall again..." Janet |
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Hacas Junior Member
since 2001-05-05
Posts 25 |
This poem was awesome. Great job guys! "Fight for what you believe in" |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
Wow! Allan and Jeff you guys did an amzing poem!!! "dark love" o so kool. great work!! loved it! Regina "Take a look at my face, there's no price I won't pay |
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Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Hey, I really liked this it really good!!! Allan seems to bring the best stuff out of people J I hope to see more duets from you two. -- Linc "Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment." |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
i've been slowly making my way up throught the post in eager anticipation of getting to read this piece. it more than lived up to all of my expectations this was a breathtaking display of both of your talent, i really enjoyed this. i hope you collaborate more in the future, you seem to wrok really well together.Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
What to say.............what to say...............erm................yeah how bout.......how bout WOW. Yeah thas suffishunt.......  ~Carly "Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the self-same well from which your laughter rises was often-times filled with your tears." ~Kahil Gibran |
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Suga_Baby Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380Maine, USA |
WOW!! This is really awesome!! Great job you guys!! *LMAO* "A dream is a wish your heart makes while you are fast asleep." [This message has been edited by Suga_Baby (edited 05-08-2001).] |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
great job you two I enjoyed this alot..keep writing collaborations!*dq **You can't always trust the people you want to** |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
You guys have done very well together, I love it love it lots! Can't wait to see the next collaboration. ~*Nikki*~ ~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~ |
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lonely*soul Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396east haddam (moodus) ct :) |
wow...you guys work good as a team..i did like this one.diff from jeffs style most defeenatly..but i think its good *KiMMiE* |
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Low Man's Lyric Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236In a dream |
Awesome job...just awesome. Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend." |
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mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
Awesome! I'm speechless, seriously. Awesome imagery both of you. It gave me chills. I love it. |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
Great job! I really like trying colaborative efforts. I have tried it w/ a few friends, and it came out OK. Well, keep it up you two! *~*Amanda*~* |
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Lovely_Kris Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 176 |
wow i think you 2 did a great job. Keep up the great work. Thanks for replying to my poem. I hope to read more. Lovely_Kris |
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JBaker515
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458Dartmouth College |
well, i want to thank all of your for your replies.. this poem we did was a great experience..its fun to collaborate..using two minds... we had a great time with it..and personally i love this poem a lot..i think it has a lot to offer..and you should enjoy!! THANKS $ Jeff $ : ) |
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JBaker515
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458Dartmouth College |
???????? $ Jeff $ : ) |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
clever.. jeff...really clever ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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chas Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 101Lynn, ma |
it was good, i have to read it again to understand the "silence", the part in black through me off a little, it fits, but not as well.. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
The both of you did a really good job. The beggining lines are awesome. Thanks for sharing. Hope to see you both collaborate again "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Well done you guys.....there goes Allan again! Geesh, him and his collaborating! Well I liked it, so there....be happY!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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corey14 Member
since 2001-05-23
Posts 89Boston, Mass, U.S.A. |
wow, this was very, very...um amazing..I LOVED IT!! it was soo deep, scary, emotional..wow!! WOW!!! |
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HeAvEnS AnGeL Member
since 2001-05-17
Posts 168The Hot Girl From Canada |
This poem brought tears to my eyes I loved it so much You two should write together more often |
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corey14 Member
since 2001-05-23
Posts 89Boston, Mass, U.S.A. |
Allan, i want to see more from you, i liked this so much! |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
My lord, Allan, JB, this is AWESOME! And ya all know I don't say that about anything!!  Well, love yas! I know you're in a better place and though I cannot see your face, I know you're smiling down on me, saying everything's okay. ~R Kelly (I wish) |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
You guys tore this one up! It's awesome. I was really impressed. Although the two styles are definately different, they fit together and make an excellent piece. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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corey14 Member
since 2001-05-23
Posts 89Boston, Mass, U.S.A. |
cool, i like the replies, this poem is nuts |
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LoneWolf Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 384IL |
Wow, you two did a great job on this one. it was great, i absolutly loved it. and i don't know what wlse to say other then WOW. It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Allan... Jeff... WOWERS! This is an amazing display of that talent you both have. It's very different from what I've seen from either of you. This is simply breathtaking... VERY impressive you two! Nicely done! --Marie "You're the girl of my nightmares, erotic and skull-faced. |
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corey14 Member
since 2001-05-23
Posts 89Boston, Mass, U.S.A. |
omg, this was amazing, as i said before!! |
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