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Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

0 posted 2001-05-07 06:10 PM

I wrote this last week, but thought I would share it with you. If you have an idea for the title, please suggest it.. I would love to know.
----------------------------------------------------

Streetlamps stained the sidewalk
with uninvited pools of light,
ruining a haven,
thick with not-quite-sundown shadows.
Blossoms of black unfurled
against a graypink sky,
sporting silhouettes
of lonely trees,
teetering on the edge of Winter.
Faceless wrinkled denizens
sucked on the air,
as if a frost laced skyline
might provide them
the glint of memory
they’ve all been searching for.
A lit cigarette
dangled from a young girl’s lips,
breathing the smoke of a blind killer.
She's just another scarred soul
in a pack of nightwalkers,
straining to rise
through the hush of midnight,
but only collapsing
by dawn.

--Marie

Don't ever be someone's slogan, because you are poetry.

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

1 posted 2001-05-07 10:49 PM

Whoa.... I said "whoa" so loud my parents walked in here to see what the matter was.
Just whoa... this poem is amazing.
Outstanding work again, Marie.... I'm serious, this one is right up there, almost as good as "hate."
To the library.
Oh and for a title, I was thinking "A Lit Cigarette." However I'm bad at this when in a state of awe.

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

2 posted 2001-05-08 02:55 AM

wow!! i loved this poem it is part of my lifes story awesome discription...
"she's just another scarred soul
in a pack of nightwalkers,
straining to rise
through the hush of midnight,
but only collapsing
by dawn."<~~~this was so real to me
thanks for sharing and keep writing...

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

3 posted 2001-05-08 04:22 AM

ok..now my turn:
WOoOAH!

the first thing that caught my eye was the title..i had sumthing of the exact same title...then when i opened it it said that you wanted a new title...but im hopless at naming things...so im sorry that i cant help you out with that one hun...:|

'breathing the smoke of a blind killer'
now that is an awesome piece of imagery!!
job well done!!

"Life is not long and boring,
it's short and compelling." -Javier Agosto-

Godsend_1
Member

since 2001-04-19

Posts 247
great state of illinois

4 posted 2001-05-08 10:34 AM

and again there is heard from the crowd a giant WHOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyhwo marie this is an amazing poem hun you are such a talented person keep it up hun i love ya *hugs*

ben

i am what i am and that is all that i am and all that i shall ever be......so deal with it

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

5 posted 2001-05-08 10:36 AM

see aren't you glad i convinced you to post this, everyone who enters this thread leaves in awe

this is wonderful baby, the imagery is wonderful, that's what really drew me in. i love this piece, you really stirred my soul with this. keep writing beautiful poetry baby, reading your work is always the best part of my day.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

6 posted 2001-05-08 10:41 AM

what about MY poetry?

vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

7 posted 2001-05-08 10:42 AM

Lots of imagery here, and you chose some great words. Good work.

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

Linc

Senior Member

since 2001-03-07

Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy

8 posted 2001-05-08 11:44 AM

Hey,

This is great I enjoyed reading it a lot and hope to see more of your poems. Oh and to Allan aww L your poem(s) is (are) one the highlights of my days J bell got to got cya Until your next poem.

-- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

9 posted 2001-05-15 01:30 AM

Nicely done here Marie. I thought you wrote this so very well!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

10 posted 2001-05-16 05:04 AM

Marie, this is great! The imagery is fantastic. When I read:
"A lit cigarette
dangled from a young girl’s lips,
breathing the smoke of a blind killer."
I seriously got a major craving. Hey, come to think of it, you're evil for doing that!

JK of course.

~AF~

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
~ Unknown ~

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

11 posted 2001-05-16 02:30 PM

Wow Marie another fantastic read, really striking images... I'm left in awe.
Marshal Zu

" The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots" -Thomas jefferson

E-mail/Msn: Targetmrzu@hotmail.com

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