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The Never Ending Story
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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The Never Ending Story |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia 
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You're bruising my wrists against the uneven edges of this reality, Swinging your bat at the silence until all that remains are these sun-kissed memories Floating in a cracked fishbowl... It seems like you've been gone for years, but I can still hear your spirit climbing my stairs at night, searching for the loophole until you've instead discovered my weakness, my solution, and my inconsistency. Your hands have been shaking ever since we stopped making eye contact. I've been standing here with my arms open, but I'm starting to wonder if you can even see past your own trembling creations... Now all we can do is collapse in the rain, fingers laced, minds broken, tasting the air, and feeling the thunder sift between our toes. --Marie Don't ever be someone's slogan, because you are poetry. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jennifer Floyd - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JBaker515
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458Dartmouth College |
Marie, INCREDIBLE Truly marie, this poem was awesome..you did such a great job..i love your writing!! "Now all we can do is collapse in the rain, fingers laced, minds broken, tasting the air, and feeling the thunder sift between our toes." The ending was breathtaking.. I cant wait to see more!! till next time marie!  ~ Jeff ~ "If I'm not back in 5 minutes......just wait longer!" "You may take our lives, but you'll never take our FREEDOM!!" [This message has been edited by JBaker515 (edited 05-06-2001).] |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Wow, I liked this.... very powerful words. I look forward to more. Jenn "I've come too close to happiness, to have it swept away,don't think I can take the pain, never fall again..." Janet |
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Deranger Member
since 2000-05-10
Posts 498Somewhere, between here and there |
FALSE AVERTISING!!!! JUST LIKE THE ORIGINAL. IT DOES TOo END. Uh...sorry, i have some unresolved issues from my childhood.... Yes, very poignant, and not in the rotting eggs kinda way. *Salutes* Spreading insanity, one post at a time |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
definitly a powerful piece.. great writing as always..marie.. i liked it much..enjoyed also hehe..cya~  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Marie. Wow. I detected a lot in this poem similar to the poem "hate," it's sort of written with the same technique and style as you used in that one. Which of course means that this is marvelous. I really like this poem, it had a lot of powerful lines and metaphoric imagery (that little feature to your writing that makes you so special). One of your better works, in my opinion, is this one right here. It just oozes with raw power of words. I'm adding it to my library. Excellent work. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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Godsend_1 Member
since 2001-04-19
Posts 247great state of illinois |
hey marie how ya doing hun i thought this poem was just incredible i really liked it a lot and i think you have an awesome talent so keep it up ok i love you *hugs* ben i am what i am and that is all that i am and all that i shall ever be......so deal with it |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
You are so amazing baby, your writing takes my breath away. the imagery is incredible, the words you use are powerful and go straight to the heart of the reader. you are so talented, don't ever stop sharing your beautiful writing with all of us. btw, i now have the song from the never ending story movie stuck in my head. i want one of those cool puppy dragons that was in that movie, he was the best anyway, i love you, keep writing beautiful poetry.Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Dude....VERy nice literary usages in this piece....it kicked butt...man did it ever kick butt...man oh man............... ~Carly "Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the self-same well from which your laughter rises was often-times filled with your tears." ~Kahil Gibran |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Wow Marie, this poem was sensational! Amazing poem. I loved every word of it and the ending is perfect. Well done Marie!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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stace_co2003 Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497In a dream world |
it's WONDERFUL!!! two thumbs up fer ya!! but it was really good, and I enjoyed reading it.... sTace (I will be okay....really) |
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Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
Kudos to you!! Wow I was soo totally blown away from your poem..very very powerful piece!!!! I don't know whatelse to say, just utterly totally amazing, yeah lol I have that song stuck in my head too!!! =p anywho, take care.. *hugs* Kristen "Let me be the one you call, if you jump I'll break your fall, lift you up and fly away with you into the night" ~Crash and Burn~ |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
I'm speechless....omg....wow....*totally blank* ~AF~ "Always keep focus on your dreams because most often than not that's all you'll have." - Javier |
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paper doll Member
since 2002-08-04
Posts 133Floating on Uncertainty |
Amazing. Absolutely amazing. There are so many elements of this that I adore and could sit here for hours unravelling every square inch of it - but I wont.  The last stanza by far is the best. You write with such a flair - it's making me rather green. Wonderful. Thank you for the read. ~M Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality. |
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