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Teen Poetry #4
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Stop pulling me
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Stop pulling me |
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CLBinLOVE Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 147Hilton Head, SC, USA |
Stop pulling me Everybody wants Something of me Stop needing me Everyone always Relies on me I need air I need room To breath the clean air I can’t see me Standing at the end I need someone with me My mom wants me To do whatever she wants She doesn’t care about me My dad wants me To be just like him He doesn’t understand me My teachers want me To do well They don’t know me My friends want me To be cool and friendly Sometimes they can’t stand me My girlfriend wants me For who I am She loves me She understands me She knows me She’s with me My girlfriend I love her She loves me ~well, hers the context for this one, i got bad grades, i do good things and no one cares, i do bad things, like get bad grades, and everyone is all over me about it...i cant win, excapt with my girlfriend, shes always here for me i am blinded by the silence of a breaking heart... i cant see myself |
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| © Copyright 2001 Craig Baker - All Rights Reserved | |||
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lonely*soul Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396east haddam (moodus) ct :) |
sounds like love is the only thing ya gots left... srry but good job...you obviously mean what your saying..and thats all the matters! *kimmie* |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
At least people care....if they get on you it just means they expect more from you. Most people don't care, period. Good job on the poem....sweet for your gf.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
Hey you sacred me for a minute there Muchacho. *exhales* Can't win....except with me...huh? Okay then, well it was good. Thanks psycho. te amo,  goddess,Bel BTW, you forgot to mention "playing" golf(or whatever it was I was attempting to do) makes you sore the next day. ¡GRACIAS! [This message has been edited by Isabel Galaxia (edited 05-06-2001).] |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Aww.. this is sweet. It's always nice to have someone like this in your life.  Love is great, huh?  Nice work. --Marie Don't ever be someone's slogan, because you are poetry. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Good job! This kind of poem has an impact because you express one factor as better than all the others. Personally I didn't like how you gave her three stanzas and everyone else only one, it kind of showed a bias in the presentation of each factor. I think that the impact of the fact that she is the ONE thing that you have going for you would have been improved if there was a stanza like all the rest that was positive, as opposed to negative. Just my humble opinion, of course. No need to take it. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
Hey now Allan, not all of us minded the three stanzas devoted to "her." lol! Bel [This message has been edited by Isabel Galaxia (edited 05-06-2001).] |
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JBaker515
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458Dartmouth College |
I actually really liked it... Alan makes somewhat of a good point.. but its your work..so do what you want!! ~ Jeff ~ :) |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
i really like the last stanza of this piece, it gave the poem the impact that it needed. the flow was pretty good throughout too, due to your use of shorter lines in this piece. great job on this, keep posting all your work. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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