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lonely*soul
Member

since 2001-04-05

Posts 396
east haddam (moodus) ct :)

0 posted 2001-05-04 10:54 PM

the torment and pain
i over come every day
cant compare to the sadness i feel
when you are away

when i cant hear your laugh
and i cant see you face
my soul leaves my body
and leaves not a trace

you leaving me here
wont allow me to ajust
b.c i know this was true love
not just young lust

the deep pit in my stomach
when i saw you teethy smile
i thought you were the one thing
that made my life worth while

now i know i was right
for my feelings prove twas' real
for now that you are gone
depression is all i feel

my mind is blank
and the sky is black
and all i think of
is you; what i lack

nothing can compare
to the hurt i feel for you
nothing can come close
nothing anyone can do

no one will make me as happy
as i was with you my dear
you leaving was the hardest thing
you leaving was my fear

my nightmares became reality
and my moods became distraught
ever since you left
depression is all ive faught

nothing will be right
untill your here safe with me
my love for you is soo strong
and everyone agrees

please come back soon
my love my friend
ill be waiting
for i know its not the end

ekk..that was off the top of my head tell me whatcha think k?

*KiM*

[This message has been edited by lonely*soul (edited 05-04-2001).]

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

1 posted 2001-05-04 11:00 PM

wow..that blowed me away..
i loved the poem..
enjoyed it much
hehe..i really related to the pian and sadness in this poem
thanks for sharing this piece..cya~kim

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

2 posted 2001-05-04 11:14 PM

Well if that was off the top of your head then i completely ::applaud:: you....that was nothin short of an excellently well thought out and written piece..you coulda fooled me lol...Excellent job here

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

3 posted 2001-05-05 12:05 PM

This is so sad.. But a very well written poem. It's so emotional, and powerful.. good job!
This is a tough situation to be in. I'm sorry you've been put into it, but *hugs* and good luck.

--Marie

Don't ever be someone's slogan, because you are poetry.

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

4 posted 2001-05-05 02:44 AM

You did a great job! Keep in mind that lower syllable counts per line tend to mean a better flow, and a more compressed impact. Remember, the sharpest point on a pin is also the smallest.
Still a great job on the poem, if it was off the top of your head.

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-05-05 03:14 AM

It seems that every piece from you that i read today is amazing. Well done on this one.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

katherine
Member

since 2000-06-10

Posts 365
Canberra Australia

6 posted 2001-05-05 03:42 AM

WOW!! i truly love this is. it's so awesome. i love the flow of it. well done!
katie

if you don't let them in they can't see the real you

lonely*soul
Member

since 2001-04-05

Posts 396
east haddam (moodus) ct :)

7 posted 2001-05-05 02:16 PM

thanx guys i appreciate all the replys i usually dont get that many...so...lol
*KiM*

[This message has been edited by lonely*soul (edited 05-05-2001).]

Suga_Baby
Member

since 2000-08-06

Posts 380
Maine, USA

8 posted 2001-05-05 03:32 PM

Awwwww... I hear ya girl... those heartbreakin' boys! GRRRR! *LOL* well done

"A dream is a wish your heart makes while you are fast asleep."

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

9 posted 2001-05-09 12:38 PM

I love it
one comment though: don't abbreviate words in yur poems
Personally, I think your poem deserves better

thanks for sharing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

dramaqueen22086
Member

since 2001-05-05

Posts 50
Hadlyme, CT

10 posted 2001-05-09 02:10 PM

hey sweeite,
i hope you don't mind but i got an idea from your poem, but ill call you later on that. i like this poem, its one of my favs... keep written.
~!kellie!~

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