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| Teen Poetry #4 |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
unspeakable yet spoken whispered in the night talked about in riddles hinted at in spite hidden in all honesty covered up with lies secrecy hidden by secrets unspeakable yet spoken too blasphemous to know yet everybody does not knowing that they know unspeakable yet spoken its the tight feeling in your gut its the hairs on the back of your neck its the shadows moving in the corners of your eyes unspeakable yet spoken grrrrrr this is almost the one that i losteded but i couldnt member it  so its all diff now but for the first 2 stanzas so o wells....i like this version betters  “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” U in the dark u in the pain u on the run Living a hell living ur ghost living ur hell [This message has been edited by knightlyshadows (edited 05-04-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Tiffany Durham - All Rights Reserved | |||
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AngelPoet87 Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 280Indy |
bravo!!! |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Nice work, Tiffany. The flow is overall pretty nice. I just wanted to comment on the rhyme scheme. There is one in the first stanza, but it drops off after that. I think the poem might flow a lot easier if you stuck with the rhyme you used in the very beginning. This is a well written poem! I like the serious ones you've been writing lately. They show off your talent.  Nice work. --Marie Don't ever be someone's slogan, because you are poetry. [This message has been edited by Fading Away (edited 05-04-2001).] |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
sowwy didnt mean to rhyme it in the first stanza...it just sorta happened like that. but thanx for all the feedbacks i appreciates it muchs tiff  “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Nah, I kinda like the dropoff of the rhyme scheme. *everyone gasps* Yeah, I said it! It works in this piece, but not in most. Tiffy can pull it off. *turns and points his index finger at the camera, looks straight into the lens* But don't try this at home kids, Tiffy is a trained professional. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Well done on this one. My eyes are really getting blurry.... Anyhow.....i liked the poem a lot.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
lols thankies guysas  *does the i can pulls it off cuz im a traineded professional dance* hah allan ur a nuts but i loves yas! :P tiff “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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