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Teen Poetry #4

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ethel lahootie
Member

since 2001-03-06

Posts 143
SC, USA

0 posted 2001-05-03 08:54 PM

darn, that english stumped me:thining:BUT one good thing came outta this! i wrote another poem!

if it sux...then O WEL.

Summer nights, salty breeze
You ride by
I wave, you smile

My hair is curly from the salt
Waves crash
Your music blares

Darkness, moonlight
You ride by
The moment still, everything stops

There is sand on the porch
Waves crash
Our eyes lock for that split second

Summer nights, curly hair
Moonlight, sand
You ride by while the waves crash
I wave, your music blares, you smile
Our eyes lock, the moment is still

© Copyright 2001 ethel lahootie - All Rights Reserved

ethel lahootie
Member

since 2001-03-06

Posts 143
SC, USA

1 posted 2001-05-03 09:04 PM

oops!

gosh darn it i cant type. that face was supposed to be

this one. oopsies

hee hee hee

~jObEtHeL~

Allan Riverwood

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Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

2 posted 2001-05-03 11:44 PM

I like the phrase "the moment is still." I really like that... what a perfect tone to end the poem on.

See you around, Ethel.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

Dopey Dope

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Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2001-05-04 02:34 PM

Well done on this one.
Very good read!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Fading Away

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Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

4 posted 2001-05-04 05:09 PM

Nicely done! I enjoyed this a lot..
Good work!

--Marie

Don't ever be someone's slogan, because you are poetry.

Isabel Galaxia
Senior Member

since 2000-06-18

Posts 733

5 posted 2001-05-04 07:32 PM

ooh!! I esp like the last stanza...that was really good!

Bel

ethel lahootie
Member

since 2001-03-06

Posts 143
SC, USA

6 posted 2001-05-04 09:45 PM

thank ya much ppls!

Acies

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Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

7 posted 2001-05-08 06:28 PM

Ooooo....the last stanza was amazing. The style of the poem is awesome. I love it. 2 thumbs up for you

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

SEA

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Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

8 posted 2001-05-08 06:32 PM

I like this one

vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

9 posted 2001-05-08 06:37 PM

Hey this is really cute..Sounded innocent and sweet. I like it.

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

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