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Teen Poetry #4
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chas
Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 101
Lynn, ma

0 posted 2001-05-02 11:03 AM



Who may you be? You torture and I forgive
Who may you be? You argue and I reconcile

And all you own, you are a gazelle grazing
The first among thousands of eyes

Why love and obey, who may you be?

Who may you be to govern my fate?
And why divert, for your eyes, my way?

I submit to your command, wondrous, and you my captive
Leaving me between suspicion and illusion

Why love and obey, who may you be?

How you vanquish me, beloved, yet are fragile
How great the pains I endure from your desertion and tyranny

Oh you, who ignore me, though you know
Dear to me, yet your heart squanders

Why love and obey, who may you be?

Your heart never knew the taste of love
Nor loved, adored or burnt by passion

My life and death for you the same?
Leaving me between suspicion and illusion

Why love and obey, who may you be?

If only, indulge me with a promise unkempt
If only, false tears your eyes shed

You, to me dear, my state you know
Oh charm, in charm, all charm

Why love and obey, who may you be?

Who feels my torture, my yearning and tears
Knows the heat of the fire in my heart

Yet, to you, I reveal no submission
Against your eyelashes and eyes steadfast

Why love and obey, who may you be?

© Copyright 2001 chas - All Rights Reserved
Ina
Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada
1 posted 2001-05-02 01:09 PM


I love long poems. ...... this was great work chas.... nice stuff.  

Regina

"Take a look at my face, there's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you"bon jovi

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
2 posted 2001-05-02 02:44 PM


Nicely done....great job. I really enjoyed the poem and your use of repetition was great. Really did impact the poem.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

JBaker515
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458
Dartmouth College
3 posted 2001-05-02 04:13 PM


That was really nice. I liked it a lot!
anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

4 posted 2001-05-02 04:19 PM


Humm……..chocolate
.
.
.
jus kiddin'..but that kinda got lame there buddy
well....the poem was wonderful..and i think you should reply with more consideration...of are heartfelt poems or else!!!!


...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 05-02-2001).]

Low Man's Lyric
Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236
In a dream
5 posted 2001-05-02 05:01 PM


Great work chas, this poem was nicely done.

Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend."  
~Anonymous

sinfully_seductive
Junior Member
since 2000-11-13
Posts 31

6 posted 2001-05-02 07:21 PM


hummm....did i see chocolate?????

same-sex couples are like kama sutra - beautiful but misunderstood!

chas
Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 101
Lynn, ma
7 posted 2001-05-03 10:37 PM


sinfully_seductive..that is the kind of reply i was hoping for, peace out..thanks all
Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
8 posted 2001-05-08 09:44 AM


This was really a very interesting poem.  It has the potential to be a great one.  Enjoyed each line if I may say.  Thanks for sharing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

Pixie-Babe03
Member
since 2000-08-29
Posts 387
Central Maine
9 posted 2001-05-08 02:39 PM


VERY impressive once again Chas, your poems are very powerful   exceptional work!
*Justine*

Tangerines
Junior Member
since 2001-05-07
Posts 22
Richmond, Virginia
10 posted 2001-05-08 02:59 PM


This is very good. Your use of repetition drives home the emotions behind your words. I especially love this line: "The first among thousands of eyes."

"I don't judge people, I just watch them till it's time to look away. I wanna look away now." - Kristin Hersh

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