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Teen Poetry #4
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A Life of Sorry
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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A Life of Sorry |
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peanogrl83 Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202 |
The Shutdown begins. I am not comfortable posting here anymore, so my replies will become infrequent and my gutwrenchingly horrid posts even moreso. Wish me luck with sanity and coping mechanisms for the Real World. Vreni p.s. This is a song (albeit a bad one) of sorts. Life of Sorry Listener’s ears bleed farewells, Closed forever, dead tolls of bells. Can’t you see, I’m not really here? I’m in you head, just what you fear. Traffic’s stuck, expressway’s closed, Your skin is bare, left exposed. Tried and true and still you fail, The ship set forth without her sail. Dented fender lies fallen down, Spreads it’s filth around the town. Spit out teeth and dried despair, Olden travesty beyond repair. Crowded streetcars scream desire, As their occupants catch on fire. Truth is spun, magic carpet ride, Your body floats with the rising tide. |
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| © Copyright 2001 peanogrl83 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Angel in Flight Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381 |
Just what you wrote before your song really distracted me from reading your song or even replying to it, but i will say it was an ok song. And i use the word ok only because what you wrote before hand really downgraded your song. I am sorry that is just how i feel and my own oppinion so please dont take it seriously or harshly. I dont mean to make you feel bad in anyway , and also i am sorry you feel uncomfortable posting here anylonger. |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
The poem is very clear... Im not used to comprehending your miraculous work. I think what Angel said has some sense to it... you really belittle the poem when you comment on it in an abusive way. I still thoroughly enjoyed this and I do wish you shift back to us again... ~JDR< !signature--> "Is it love in my gut, or piss in my bladder?" -Allan Riverwood [This message has been edited by jeremydraul (edited 01-21-2001).] |
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peanogrl83 Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202 |
Indeed, if the truth comes out and it does not point to an egomaniacal stance it distracts from the work? Further support to my decision to leave. Vreni |
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Suga_Baby Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380Maine, USA |
Ummm, I disagree... nobody said you had to boast and brag about your poems... it's just you always put yours down and slam them... it gets kind of irritating to see someone totally degrade their work... and then you READ the work and it's REALLY GOOD! (I'm referring to your amazing work, here...) That's all they were saying... Get some self-esteem, girl, and stick around! [This message has been edited by Suga_Baby (edited 01-21-2001).] |
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Virgil Junior Member
since 2000-12-29
Posts 43Toronto, Ontario, Canada |
Well I don't know what's going on here...but i do know i like the song...especially the "ears bleeding farewells." Good job! "By other ways, by other ferries, not here, shalt thou pass over: a lighter boat must carry thee." "I AM CANADIAN!!" |
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Morouxshi San Member
since 2000-10-11
Posts 207San Juan, Puerto Rico |
most of Vrenis poetry is for her. she doesnt really consider it good. in reality she REALLY doesnt consider it good. thing is she tells you this. most of my poetry i think is crap, a useless scrap of paper that i just happened to scrible on. why? because i write for myself and as plan -=f=- i post it in this board. i post because i think that it may help some poeple out, considering theyre mostly about hope and how everything will turn better. but for me those poems no longer have meaning, as i said theyre crap. i am not a poet. i do not feel bad because of what people say about my poetry. i dont get defensive about it, but you guys just started questioning Vrenis morale when she said that her poetry was bad. thats her opinion. and you have NO RIGHT to doubt what she posts on the board. i beleave allan said that he beleaved that Vreni was faking it JUST to get a lot of replies, and that was WAY OUT OF LINE. i wrote blah part 2 the other day, in response to SOMEBODY'S (name removed) senryu about being in the bathroom with no magazines. i wont post that because of fear that i will cause SOMEBODY ELSE (removed the name but we know who the person is) another nervious break down. in conclusion. Vreni really doesnt think much of her poetry because of some weird reason. and you are NOBODY to question her. Vreni: Let knowledge rule the masses. ignorance shall be irradicated! keep it up. and trust me theres always people who understand you in the boards. dont be uncomftrable because of those who post the most. < !signature--> San, the wise San, the dumb San, the guy... [This message has been edited by Morouxshi San (edited 01-21-2001).] |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
It's very good, in my opinion. Such imagery made, a nice setting for it. Traffic-- good idea for a metaphor. I'm having difficulty deciding on what it was meant to communicate, still. Seems to me like some kind of event that was inevitable. Very, very good. -Allan [This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 01-22-2001).] |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Vreni, everything Felipe says is true. We all know the truth, and the truth is the fact that you truly hate your work. Even though it's good for ME and SAn and so many others, it's crap for you. We respect that, but leaving the forums for good really does nothing. A lack of understanding from others has caused you to care so much it made you uncomfy. Vreni, you know I love you here. Anytime you post i'll be there to say what needs to be said. I'm your friend, and I think San is getting there. Just know......the song rocked. I sang it and thought of a tune and I liked it. I've even thought about using some of your lyrics for a future band. Mainly the poem Loser.... I hope to talk to you soon vreni love. Adios  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Vreni ... this poem is incredibly descriptive. I truly believe you have a remarkable talent, and enjoy reading each of your posts. I would miss you terribly if you left, however we each have our own reasons for writing and sharing and will certainly respect whatever decision you choose to make. You will always be welcome here with open arms. Best wishes, /Kit *For the readers: There seems to be a little disharmony happening here lately, and I think it's time I remind people that we are all here to write poetry, read poetry, support one another, and enjoy our stay. If you have any remarkably harsh words to share with each other, please take it outside, and do so via ICQ or e-mail directly ... do not continue to do so in another poet's thread. [This message has been edited by Kit McCallum (edited 01-21-2001).] |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
This was a great read vreni. Like usual your words were very powerful and full of great imagery. Ditto to what Kit said. ~Jason "Every body has their destiny... I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN ~Hatebreed~ |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
I liked the way this sounded when I sang it (in my head). Nice job on the song, thanks for sharing it. "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Vreni, I worship the keyboard you type on...ok maybe not that intense but I do look up to you. You're an amazingly talented person, and I only wish I could continue reading and learning from you. ~Carly inspiration of my art search for light out of the dark all the pictures in my heart lie awake there in my fog... |
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