Seasons of destruction. - pipTalk Forums

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Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

0 posted 2001-04-30 04:42 PM

Seasons of Destruction

Buzzsaws in the silence of December,
Something of the violence that I remember,
Cutting down the trees,
To set the monster free,
Buzzsaws in the silence of December,

Oily monsters roam in January,
Cutting out the loam in February,
Burning down the wood,
Removing nature’s blood,
Oily monsters roam in January,

The springtime sees the squirrels on the March,
Oaks put aside their quarrels with the larch,
Fighting off the corporate giant,
The old trees remain defiant,
The springtime sees the squirrels on the March,

April showers and May begins to bloom,
Bright, bold flowers begin to move the gloom,
Shaking off the dust,
Removing nature’s rust,
April showers and May begins to bloom,

June brings summers glory to the fore,
The bark of heavy hummers seen before,
The men they come again,
The forest without it’s rain,
June brings summers glory to the fore,

July is when mans error, begins to start,
See the trees in terror, torn apart
Ghost and spirits sail,
The fallen animals wail,
July is when mans error, begins to start,

August is when the heat of summer blazes,
School children compete and shed their blazers,
Fires drive man away,
The trees return and sway,
August is when the heat of summer blazes,

September brings the execution of the sun,
The animal persecution has just begun,
The holocaust again,
Facing and furies rain,
September brings the execution of the sun,

October brings revolution in the red,
Sometimes evolution leaves us dead,
Trees waving flags out high,
Beneath a purple sky,
October brings revolution in the red,

November brings us round to the end,
Drives us into the ground and round the bend,
Trees win the final battle,
Silence machine gun rattle,
November brings us round to the end

--- it started out as a bit of song but i'm not so sure now.

" The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots" -Thomas jefferson

E-mail/Msn: [email protected]

Terryloveiris_85
Member

since 2001-04-23

Posts 61
The middle of nowhere

1 posted 2001-04-30 06:18 PM

nice. really nice. I enjoyed this alot.
~iris

Isabel Galaxia
Senior Member

since 2000-06-18

Posts 733

2 posted 2001-04-30 06:23 PM

That was very good

Bel

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

3 posted 2001-04-30 06:54 PM

First of all, Zu, the idea for this poem was genius.
Here's why I didn't like it overall though...
Meter.  It would help this poem a load, the flow of this poem had me stuttering in my head.  It was quite poor.  I highly recommend that you learn and apply meter to your poetry.  Any form of meter would suit this, it tends to make any piece flow magnificently.
The idea for this is a great one, I strongly think that you should revise it.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

[This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 04-30-2001).]

branden726

Senior Member

since 2000-09-25

Posts 607
Bay City, MI

4 posted 2001-04-30 07:38 PM

I didnt quite like this one that much but yeah its okay i still think you have a uniqe way of writting some dont understand keep it up..Hey al straight forward huh? give the guy a break he he..

*Tears of love*
*Tears of faith*
*Never any Tears of hate*

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-04-30 10:59 PM

Very creative. *claps* The mind works in mysterious ways and your mind works in ways unknown to the mystery of the ways of....erm.....mysterious kind of ways and the mystery of the and erm..stuff and...ok enough.

Anyway, I liked the poem, but the flow was kinda off in a few places.
Hope to read MORE!!!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

6 posted 2001-05-01 02:09 PM

Very nice, Zu. I think this poem was VERY well written. I wouldn't change anything about it.
Nice work.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

7 posted 2001-05-08 03:57 AM

woah!....dont listen to allan or brandon here andrew...i agree with marie here...i wouldnt change a thing about this..i love the way you intergrated the seasons and all that was happening around the months....it was awesome!!

"Life is not long and boring,
it's short and compelling." -Javier Agosto-

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

8 posted 2001-05-08 04:03 AM

woah!....dont listen to allan or brandon here andrew...i agree with marie here...i wouldnt change a thing about this..i love the way you intergrated the seasons and all that was happening around the months....it was awesome!!

"Life is not long and boring,
it's short and compelling." -Javier Agosto-

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

9 posted 2001-05-10 06:48 PM

Great topic to start
I loved each stanza read
keep it up
It's really amazing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

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