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Teen Poetry #4
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Just Release
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Just Release |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people 
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Just Release Every time I look into your eyes, that is when I realize, that my love for you is true, and it’s all because of you. Hold you tightly in my arms, feel your pain, hear your alarms, girl you do so much to me, you change the world that I see. We’re not perfect that I know, but forever love I’ll show, tell your secrets now to me, just release, set your pain free. Every time I look into your eyes, that is when I realize, that my love for you is true, and it’s all because of you. January 4, 2001 This one doesn't quite make sense the way I wanted it too, but I really like the flow. ha, I'm complamenting on my own work  This one isn't based on any of my own life experiences, I was just winging it. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Lakewalker - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
Its another one!!!!! it was very good, your poems those ive read...hint, hint... Have a unique style and flow to them that make them a pleausre to read.Regina |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I'm going to agree with Lakewalker in that I really like the flow.  Something sparked my attention... the rhyming of "arms" with "alarms..." I used that exact rhyme in a poem I wrote yesterday. Strange... This is a great poem! It's nice to see you finally posting again, Lakewalker! Keep sharing them! Eternal life without the darkness isn't life at all- it is a lobotomy. |
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Morouxshi San Member
since 2000-10-11
Posts 207San Juan, Puerto Rico |
i am not one to comment in a lot of poems (i have what? 83 posts... ) but i thought id say some things to this one.the flow is very nice, i agree with you there. and the theme (this one and the smiling one) theyre just overall nice themes, love themes, when i write about this its normally love for life what i talk about, but thats just me. just thought id let you know, your life experiences are just as real as you want them to be (this sounds like a bad "The Matrix" comercial) San, the wise San, the dumb San, the guy... |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
I have to agree about the flow, it was very catchy. But I thought overall the poem was good, not just the flow. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Yes well I've convinced San to come back. I was in class yesterday and today with him.....we sat bored in English while Lucifer (Mrs. Montilla) was yapping the hours away and I told San that he should come back because I say so. I take all the credit *bows* thank you all, thank you! Lake, great poem...wonderful flow. Very real poem....and very good.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
after i recover from my blanket of disbelief, ill contribute my words..... *time goes by* lake, im so glad to see your posting your work! i love the joining of the first and last verse dont worry about winging because about all of mine are ooops....nice one bro, keep'em coming ~JDR< !signature--> "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde [This message has been edited by jeremydraul (edited 01-11-2001).] |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Wonderful work! It's the best thing in the world when you meet that person that makes everything worth while. Well written piece, glad to see you posting! *Krista Knutson* I'm a slow dying flower In a frost-killing hour The sweet turning sour and untouchable... -Natalie Merchant |
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Melster Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 442Brisbane, Qld, Australia |
Im with Allan here... great work Lake... hope you post more soon!! Melz!! You can't hurt me anymore than I have hurt myself already... |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
yes, the rhyming and flow is perfect but they forgot to mention how sweet this poem is seems like you poured your heart into this great job Lake keep em coming I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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