»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #4
»
Bare Feet
| Teen Poetry #4 |
|
Bare Feet |
|
|
Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments 
|
Bare feet, colored rich apricot In Springtime’s tawny sunsets Tread through the grassy tangle Of familiar lands... (I am safe here, away from the anger underlining the hours) Ripped jeans, hair pulled back... Stripped clean--comforted by the moments That I am nothing to no person And am spun tightly around myself (For a while, I can rediscover The person that I know I am) A breeze announcing purple twilight Mingles with the hum of this guitar, Sweeping the wreckage of my mind Into a net of crystalline starlight... (Maybe for a night I can forget the person I’m expected to be) My bare feet are growing cold And midnight is crawling on my skin... These minutes must end, and so must I Until I can make my way back To this verdant stretch... (And maybe one day, make you Understand who I want to be) *Krista Knutson* |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Krista Botterill - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Very well done, Krista! I enjoyed this greatly, the portrait it painted (in colour!  ) was intricately weaved and left a lasting impression on my mind. The emotion contrasted incredibly well. I enjoyed reading this a great deal.One critique though, the parts of the poem that were done in brackets might be better served done in a different font style instead, I would normally say italics but it appears the entire poem is done in italics. Either way I am completely astonished by this, and am very glad to see you posting more often again. Hope to see you around.  ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
||
|
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I forgot to add this to my library the first time around... |
||
|
knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
wow! that was just great. but i agree with allan (cant belive im sayin that) jk:P id like it better with out the brackets. but newayz i likes alots! tiff  “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
||
|
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Apricot? mmmm. i enjoyed this a lot. Well done! It's not everyday we see a poem from Ms. Mod!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
||
|
Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Allan- Thanks for your reply, I really appreciate it! I decided to put those lines in brackets to show the deeper, more private thoughts of the speaker in the poem. I hope you understand the reasoning for them now.  Javier- Thanks, I'm glad you liked! knightlyshadows- Thank you too for you kind response! *Krista Knutson* |
||
|
Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
I need to keep my eyes open or I'm going to let your poetry slip by. I really like this one, dear, the images you used were grand and made it feel like dusk was actually falling. Gradually growing darker. I especially loved the lines "Stripped clean--comforted by the moments That I am nothing to no person And am spun tightly around myself" I've been searching for moments like that, and finding them.. Loved this poem, sweetheart "And every state of mind, left to itself, every shutting up of the creature within the dungeon of its own mind - is, in the end, Hell" - C.S. Lewis |
||
|
JBaker515
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458Dartmouth College |
Really really good.. i liked it a ton! :0 $ Jeff $ : ) |
||
|
banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
i have to disagree with allan here, i really like the effect of the brackets in this piece. it made those lines stand out in my mind as the personal thoughts of the narrator. you did a wonderful job on this, the portait painted with your words is breathtaking. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
||
|
Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Whoa! Ohh this was so filled with serene and comforting visions...haha I sound cool. Well anyways....very, very good piece, and going into the library. Keep blessin us with your words!  ~Carly "Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the self-same well from which your laughter rises was often-times filled with your tears." ~Kahil Gibran |
||
|
Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
The depth and beauty of you poetry is stunningly perfect. Hold on cause I have to pick my jaw off of the floor. ~*standing ovation*~ "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
||
|
anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
beautiful writing...i enjoyed it much krista...thanks for sharing and hope to see more...  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
