(Leaf Series) #3- Beneath the sun of Gaul (Villanelle)

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LoveBug

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since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

0 posted 2001-04-28 07:36 PM

Big thanks to Allan for teaching me how to do villanelle! I hope you guys enjoy this!

A soldier sits beneath the sun of Gaul
He gazes up into the sky again
Another kingdom rises, and it falls

He wonders why he had to heed the call
To kill barbarians within their dens
A soldier sits beneath the sun of Gaul

The Romans had to come there, one and all
To save their golden age for all within
Another kingdom rises, and it falls

With war and death there is no written law
Men die, men who did not commit a sin
A soldier sits beneath the sun of Gaul

Their structured lives mean nothing now, he saw
Our soldier dies there, weak and starved and thin
Another kingdom rises, and it falls

And now, each kingdom still must rise and fall
As waves touch land, and must return again
A soldier sits beneath the sun of Gaul
Another kingdom rises, and it falls

"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli
Blame Canada!

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

1 posted 2001-04-28 08:50 PM

great villanelle!<~`i dont even tho what that is

anyways.tho..i really liked the way u wrote this...
the descriptions and so on...great job!
and keep writing

...?

death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins

Elizabeth

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Member Ascendant

since 1999-06-07

Posts 6871
Minnesota

2 posted 2001-04-28 09:43 PM

Wonderful Erica! Is it about Gladiator?

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

3 posted 2001-04-28 09:55 PM

It's her series, and it's the entry about the Roman Empire.

Erica, you know that I love this villanelle.

You truly outdid yourself, just incredible! Especially for a first try!
The iambic pentameter is something I have yet to accomplish in villanelle. I applaud you!
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

Alwye

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since 1999-06-16

Posts 3850
In the space between moments

4 posted 2001-04-28 11:11 PM

Incredible! I loved the trip back to my Ancient Civ. knowledge and the iambic pentameter is something I've yet to do myself...I'm really impressed, this is excellent work my friend!

*Krista Knutson*

"We can all become what we aspire to be
If Heaven's here on Earth..." ~Tracy Chapman

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

5 posted 2001-04-29 11:39 AM

This is a truly amazing piece, and the fact that it is one of your first attempts at this format makes it even more incredible. i really like this series and i'm eagerly awaiting the rest. keep posting all your work.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Dopey Dope

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Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

6 posted 2001-04-29 07:24 PM

Hey this is wonderful!!!!!!!!! I love this!!
Wowish, very well done!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

7 posted 2001-04-30 01:08 PM

Erica this is absolutely amazing! As far as my knowledge of Villanelles go (this isn't very far) you have done a wonderful job.

Bravo!

~AF~

" Your mother's in here with us Karras. Would you like to leave a message? I'll see that she gets it."
The Devil - The Exorcist

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

8 posted 2001-05-01 12:58 PM

Very beautiful work, Erica! This poem really shines.. every post in the series just gets better and better. I can't wait for # 4!
Beautifully done!

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

Linc

Senior Member

since 2001-03-07

Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy

9 posted 2001-05-01 01:43 PM

Hey,

You must excuse my stupidity but what the heck is villanelle J (okay you can get up now after that good laugh) oh well I still loved the poem can’t wait for more. Until your next masterpiece

-- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

Acies

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Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

10 posted 2001-05-09 06:16 PM

Not only do you have to know how to write in suck a form, you also have to have the knowledge of history. Awesome write Erica. Now, where's the 4th?

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

JBaker515

Member

since 2001-02-28

Posts 458
Dartmouth College

11 posted 2001-05-09 06:17 PM

this was sooo awesome..
i loved it!!
great villanelle...!!!!

$ Jeff $ : )

"If I'm not back in 5 minutes......just wait longer!"

"You may take our lives, but you'll never take our FREEDOM!

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