collaboration w/ Allan - pipTalk Forums

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Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

0 posted 2001-04-28 05:00 PM

This is a poem by Allan and me. We wrote it a while back at just finished today. Try to figure out who wrote the lines. We each wrote one line.
Regina

As i stand by the river
im clutching my sides
water rippling at my feet
as the hungry mist subsides
my body aches with love
my heart spills silken tears
a desperate hand tears me away
the mist now disappears
a golden darkness slides in
pushing out the tainted light
the beauty that once was shivers into frost
I've lost my will to fight

Regina and Allan

"Take a look at my face, there's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you"bon jovi

[This message has been edited by Ina (edited 04-28-2001).]

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2001-04-28 05:10 PM

the flow is perfect...I couldn't tell if I had to

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

2 posted 2001-04-28 05:22 PM

awesome job on the poem you two..
i really liked this one
and enjoyed much by me..
great poem!

keep writing

...?

death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins

LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

3 posted 2001-04-28 10:58 PM

You two make a great team! I really enjoyed this piece, the flow and imagery are just perfect. Great work, you two! Thanks for sharing.

"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli
Blame Canada!

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-04-29 07:36 PM

I enjoyed it. Short, but sweet.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

bigfuzzybear
Junior Member

since 2001-04-29

Posts 11

5 posted 2001-04-29 11:21 PM

very nice flow

love you,
brad

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

6 posted 2001-05-01 12:38 PM

I really enjoyed this! These are beautiful words, you two

Nicely done.
Oh, and I could pick out a few lines that sounded like Allan.. for example: "as the hungry mist subsides" was that Allan? Heh.. anyways, very nice work. I enjoyed this.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

7 posted 2001-05-01 01:13 PM

i wouldn't dare attempt to pick apart this poem and decide who is who as far as the lines go. both of you are too talented and have worked together to create a true masterpiece. this is really well done, you should collaborate more in the future.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Linc

Senior Member

since 2001-03-07

Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy

8 posted 2001-05-01 01:19 PM

Hey,

This is a great poem Allan seems to be working with everyone

keep up the great work you 2 and until your next poems

-- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

9 posted 2001-05-09 06:09 PM

great tag team

, or should I say duet.
I hope to see both of you team up again
thanks for sharing and keep it up

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Suga_Baby
Member

since 2000-08-06

Posts 380
Maine, USA

10 posted 2001-05-09 09:01 PM

*is speechless*... OOOOOOH

,
Sara

"A dream is a wish your heart makes while you are fast asleep."

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