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Allan Riverwood
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0 posted 2001-04-28 04:33 AM


staring at the rain
staring at the rain
individual drops
individual drops
individual
staring at the rain drops

cooling back her hair
cooling back her hair
as she wilts and cries
as she wilts and cries
her hair wilts back
cooling, as she cries

distant dreams of future bleak
distant dreams of future bleak
pull her tears away
pull her tears away
pull away, distant future,
her bleak dreams of tears

bleak individual wilts,
staring away, at distant, future rain
and her dreams pull her hair back
as she cries
the drops of cooling tears

© Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved
Suga_Baby
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since 2000-08-06
Posts 380
Maine, USA
1 posted 2001-04-28 12:41 PM


OMG!! Allan I LOVE this!!! It's WONDERFUL beyond justification!! WOWWIE   NICE WORK!!! hehehehe   Sorry I am just a little hyper...  
-Sara-


"A dream is a wish your heart makes while you are fast asleep."

[This message has been edited by Suga_Baby (edited 04-28-2001).]

Pixie-Babe03
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since 2000-08-29
Posts 387
Central Maine
2 posted 2001-04-28 12:52 PM


this is genius!!  i love this so much *adds it to her library*     awesome format!
-=Justine=-

-=Love starts with a SMILE, grows with a KISS, and ends with a TEAR=-

Heavens Tears
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3 posted 2001-04-28 12:57 PM


This poem was awesome.  I loved the style!  Keep it up!

*~*Amanda*~*

My tears roll right down my cheeks, but they all soak into my pillow.  I feel kinda sorry for it...

Silver Butterfly
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since 2001-03-13
Posts 42
Between here and the end
4 posted 2001-04-28 04:02 PM


I really liked this, it seems like most paradelles dont' make much sense, but this one really did. A+
SEA
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with you
5 posted 2001-04-28 04:15 PM


Allan~ this is amazing....and it's in my library!  
Shygirl82
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since 2001-02-19
Posts 245
Ilinois
6 posted 2001-04-28 04:23 PM


WOW this was excellent..enough said
Always,
~Nikki~

anonymous albert ?
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7 posted 2001-04-28 05:18 PM


you seemed to write..
in this style alot allan..
as always tho i thought this was great...
wonderful job on the poem..
and keep writing

...?

death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins

Ina
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since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada
8 posted 2001-04-28 05:36 PM


Je pense que cette poeme est tres bonne. Il ya une rythm tres stable et consitent. Je vous applaude M. Riverwood.

Regina

"Take a look at my face, there's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you"bon jovi

anonymous albert ?
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9 posted 2001-04-28 05:40 PM


HUH>>??
"gga way"
"me hablo no espanol..snorita.."
"tu engels senorrita..
si?..
nada?..
aww..adios..bonita's..."??

hehe..i'm learning foreign languages!!
..?

death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-28-2001).]

JBaker515
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Dartmouth College
10 posted 2001-04-28 05:42 PM


Allan, like usual...great!! i loved it!
katherine
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since 2000-06-10
Posts 365
Canberra Australia
11 posted 2001-04-28 10:52 PM


wow! this is awesome.
keep it up
~katie

if you don't let them in they can't see the real you

banburycross
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since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
12 posted 2001-04-29 11:35 AM


i can see why you like this style so much, when you write poems in this format they turn into masterpieces.  i especially like this one, it is really beautifully written.  keep writing beautiful poetry.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Dopey Dope
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San Juan, Puerto Rico
13 posted 2001-04-29 06:44 PM


This is great! I liked it a lot!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision
14 posted 2001-04-29 11:47 PM


kick ace allan!!! :P
tiff

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

"at the touch of love anyone becomes a poet"

kaile
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singapore
15 posted 2001-04-30 02:18 AM


very cool write and your last verse sure kicked ass!!

in my library for sure

takemeawaytoday
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since 2001-04-30
Posts 13
Missouri
16 posted 2001-04-30 02:38 AM


Oh man i love the poem it sent chills up my back.
Jen

vixengrl04
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since 2001-04-26
Posts 495
East Haddam, CT
17 posted 2001-04-30 10:17 AM


This was a really interesting format that I dont think I've ever seen before.  The lines of repititon made it more powerful and I liked it.  Good work.  

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

Fading Away
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Lynchburg, Virginia
18 posted 2001-05-01 12:47 PM


Wow!!
I absolutely LOVE this format!  And every time you use it, the poem just gets better and better.  This is an amazing post, Allan!  Definitely one of my favorites from you.. this is amazing!
I LOVED this.. very nice work!

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

Linc
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The Backstreet Boy
19 posted 2001-05-01 12:53 PM


Hey,

   I agree with with Marie this is really geat at always! Until your next masterpeice

       -- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

Sven
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East Lansing, MI USA
20 posted 2001-05-01 01:14 PM


Great job Allan!!  I see that studying the paradelles elsewhere in the Archives helped you in doing this. . . this is excellent. . .

They're not easy to do are they??  

---------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Allan Riverwood
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Winnipeg
21 posted 2001-05-02 12:44 PM


I did this before I read the Archives, Sven.  In fact, I've done a few before.... it's one of my new favourite formats.  
And yes, they are quite difficult.    
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

[This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 05-02-2001).]

Jenn Cirrincione
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Fl
22 posted 2001-05-02 06:27 AM


Good Job Allan... I really felt this. I was picturing, like, a flower the whole time. I'm sure you were talking about a girl, but I just kept thinking of a flower and it's petals. hehe
I don't know what a paradelle(sp?) is... but I assume it has do do with the style and repetition used.
Keep 'em coming Allan.


"I've come too close to happiness, to have it swept away,don't think I can take the pain, never fall again..." Janet

[This message has been edited by Jenn Cirrincione (edited 05-02-2001).]

IsGona
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since 2000-07-14
Posts 723

23 posted 2001-05-02 06:54 AM


Interesting...
Well done Allan, interesting style.

Jason

Angel
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since 1999-07-02
Posts 551
Pennsylvania
24 posted 2001-05-04 04:49 PM


I loved it. Definitely like the style too. Maybe I'll give one a try.

~Susie

~*~Born to Blossom and Bloom to Perish~*~

lonely*soul
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since 2001-04-05
Posts 396
east haddam (moodus) ct :)
25 posted 2001-05-04 10:20 PM


ok so its a new format..but personally this doesnt appeal to me..srry, but as a poem, its good!   (cant win em all hehe)

        *KiM*

Acies
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Twilight Zone
26 posted 2001-05-08 06:34 PM


What can I say?
Somethings are just expected already  
hope you understand that

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

mistic
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since 2001-05-06
Posts 233
Idaho, U.S.A.
27 posted 2001-05-08 06:49 PM


I really liked the style. Great poem!  
cpalmer
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since 2001-06-26
Posts 977
Phoenix, Az
28 posted 2001-09-07 07:22 PM


Allan,
This is really awesome...you are gonna have to teach me how to write one!  Got any challenges for me!
Hugs
Cindi

Marshalzu
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Lurking
29 posted 2003-03-04 11:35 AM


I can't believe I missed this one, glad that I have got to it know though, great writing in possibly my favourite form.

Andrew

Yu Lan
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since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462
New Zealand
30 posted 2003-03-10 09:43 PM


"and her dreams pull her hair back" <-- THAT is a gorgeous line.. Bravo Allan, this is awesome. ^^ I haven't come accross this kind of poem before, but I can see you've done well, to make each line necessary, instead of the poem sounding repetitive or trying.. I enjoyed it.

Bless your cotten sockies, you poetic maniacs. ^_^

Love - Lynne

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