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Teen Poetry #4
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Dreams of Tears (paradelle)
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Dreams of Tears (paradelle) |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg 
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staring at the rain staring at the rain individual drops individual drops individual staring at the rain drops cooling back her hair cooling back her hair as she wilts and cries as she wilts and cries her hair wilts back cooling, as she cries distant dreams of future bleak distant dreams of future bleak pull her tears away pull her tears away pull away, distant future, her bleak dreams of tears bleak individual wilts, staring away, at distant, future rain and her dreams pull her hair back as she cries the drops of cooling tears |
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| © Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Suga_Baby Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380Maine, USA |
OMG!! Allan I LOVE this!!! It's WONDERFUL beyond justification!! WOWWIE  NICE WORK!!! hehehehe Sorry I am just a little hyper... -Sara- "A dream is a wish your heart makes while you are fast asleep." [This message has been edited by Suga_Baby (edited 04-28-2001).] |
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Pixie-Babe03 Member
since 2000-08-29
Posts 387Central Maine |
this is genius!! i love this so much *adds it to her library* awesome format!-=Justine=- -=Love starts with a SMILE, grows with a KISS, and ends with a TEAR=- |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
This poem was awesome. I loved the style! Keep it up! *~*Amanda*~* |
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Silver Butterfly Junior Member
since 2001-03-13
Posts 42Between here and the end |
I really liked this, it seems like most paradelles dont' make much sense, but this one really did. A+ |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Allan~ this is amazing....and it's in my library! |
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Shygirl82 Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 245Ilinois |
WOW this was excellent..enough said Always, ~Nikki~ |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
you seemed to write.. in this style alot allan.. as always tho i thought this was great... wonderful job on the poem.. and keep writing   ...?death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
Je pense que cette poeme est tres bonne. Il ya une rythm tres stable et consitent. Je vous applaude M. Riverwood. Regina "Take a look at my face, there's no price I won't pay |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
HUH>>?? "gga way" "me hablo no espanol..snorita.." "tu engels senorrita.. si?.. nada?.. aww..adios..bonita's..."?? hehe..i'm learning foreign languages!!  ..?death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-28-2001).] |
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JBaker515
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458Dartmouth College |
Allan, like usual...great!! i loved it! |
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katherine Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365Canberra Australia |
wow! this is awesome. keep it up ~katie if you don't let them in they can't see the real you |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
i can see why you like this style so much, when you write poems in this format they turn into masterpieces. i especially like this one, it is really beautifully written. keep writing beautiful poetry. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This is great! I liked it a lot!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
kick ace allan!!! :P tiff  “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
very cool write and your last verse sure kicked ass!! in my library for sure |
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takemeawaytoday Junior Member
since 2001-04-30
Posts 13Missouri |
Oh man i love the poem it sent chills up my back. Jen |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
This was a really interesting format that I dont think I've ever seen before. The lines of repititon made it more powerful and I liked it. Good work. ~*Nikki*~ ~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~ |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Wow!! I absolutely LOVE this format! And every time you use it, the poem just gets better and better. This is an amazing post, Allan! Definitely one of my favorites from you.. this is amazing! I LOVED this.. very nice work! --Marie subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. |
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Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Hey, I agree with with Marie this is really geat at always! Until your next masterpeice -- Linc "Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment." |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
Great job Allan!! I see that studying the paradelles elsewhere in the Archives helped you in doing this. . . this is excellent. . . They're not easy to do are they?? --------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I did this before I read the Archives, Sven. In fact, I've done a few before.... it's one of my new favourite formats. And yes, they are quite difficult. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. ~Unknown [This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 05-02-2001).] |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Good Job Allan... I really felt this. I was picturing, like, a flower the whole time. I'm sure you were talking about a girl, but I just kept thinking of a flower and it's petals. hehe I don't know what a paradelle(sp?) is... but I assume it has do do with the style and repetition used. Keep 'em coming Allan. "I've come too close to happiness, to have it swept away,don't think I can take the pain, never fall again..." Janet [This message has been edited by Jenn Cirrincione (edited 05-02-2001).] |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
Interesting... Well done Allan, interesting style. Jason |
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Angel Senior Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 551Pennsylvania |
I loved it. Definitely like the style too. Maybe I'll give one a try. ~Susie ~*~Born to Blossom and Bloom to Perish~*~ |
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lonely*soul Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396east haddam (moodus) ct :) |
ok so its a new format..but personally this doesnt appeal to me..srry, but as a poem, its good! (cant win em all hehe) *KiM* |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
What can I say? Somethings are just expected already  hope you understand that "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
I really liked the style. Great poem! |
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cpalmer Senior Member
since 2001-06-26
Posts 977Phoenix, Az |
Allan, This is really awesome...you are gonna have to teach me how to write one! Got any challenges for me! Hugs Cindi |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
I can't believe I missed this one, glad that I have got to it know though, great writing in possibly my favourite form. Andrew |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
"and her dreams pull her hair back" <-- THAT is a gorgeous line.. Bravo Allan, this is awesome. ^^ I haven't come accross this kind of poem before, but I can see you've done well, to make each line necessary, instead of the poem sounding repetitive or trying.. I enjoyed it.Bless your cotten sockies, you poetic maniacs. ^_^ |
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