Teen Poetry #4 |
Crumbled Heart |
CAP New Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 7 |
I wrote this poem,after letting this girl know how I feel through A poem I sent her. It has been almost 2 weeks and she has not called me at all, Idunno what to do, should I call her and see how she feels. I can't let her go we where good friends before this well here it is.... Crumbled Heart You say that you'd call me back when your done Waiting for you to phone for 2 weeks is just no fun But is it just because you want to let me know That it's time for me to move on and go I feel so lonely everyday Without you my life has just gone away I hate this feeling that's in my heart It's true sadness, it's what's tearing me apart Knowing that you don't care Feeling this way is just not fair It's just so hard to face Why must I feel like such a disgrace I thought I had a chance, by showing you how I feel I guess that you think that the way I feel is no big deal How can you let something like this pass you bye Everyday I stop and sigh, and always wonder why I would do anything just for us to be together It would be a wish that I hope would last forever I guess that someone like you For me, is just to good to be true Everything I want my life to be It's just another crazy dream, can't you see But one day 1 of those dreams will come true And that 1 dream is to be with someone like you Ill always remember you (her name is here) I don’t think ill ever meet a girl as special as you That’s why I don’t want you to go My heart will crumble with nothing left to show -Chris |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Welcome! Please check your e-mail for a special greeting! (I think you should give this to her) Great first post SEA |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
I think since im a girl, that you shouldnt wait by the phone...do something about it... i had this mega thing for this guy and i just went up to him and gave him a big smooch and we were together for 3 months... try something intersting Regina "Take a look at my face, there's no price I won't pay |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I liked the poem....I hope all goes well for you whatever the outcome may be. Welcome to Passions and I hope you enjoy your stay here! I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Yeah, keep us posted. We all like a nice mix of drama in PIP, don't we? *the lights go out, and when they come back on Dopey is lying on the ground clutching a gunshot wound, and SEA is running out of the room cackling* Uhh... See what I mean? It never ends. Welcome to Passions in Poetry... from the looks of your poem I must say I like your style. Hope to see you reading, replying and posting for all of us. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
this is definitly a great first post.. i really enjoyed the read... and WELCOME 2 PASSIONs..hope u like it here also dont forget to post,read and of course reply..anyways..keep writing ...? death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
This was a good first post, yeah keep us updated! And go outside and smell the sunshine. Hope to see ya round! ~Carly "Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the self-same well from which your laughter rises was often-times filled with your tears." ~Kahil Gibran |
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CAP New Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 7 |
Thx for the reply's and everything, Im gonna give her a call sunday or monday and let ya's know how it goes.. |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
I like. I think some of the lines could be improved by moving a few words around; might kinda help the rythym a little bit, but that's no big deal at all. This was written well. It's not a good feeling when you're waiting for someone (who you think cares) to call ya, and they don't. My advice: If it's been two weeks maybe you should stop waiting. Don't mean to sound discouraging but you should find someone that you KNOW cares and WILL call! I'm sure this girl didn't mean to hurt you though....Best of luck. ~*Nikki*~ ~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~ |
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Suga_Baby Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380Maine, USA |
Welcome!! I really liked this... it was very very sad though and just so SWEET!! I wish a guy would feel this way about me... that girl is lucky and she has NO idea... What a shame "A dream is a wish your heart makes while you are fast asleep." |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!! I think that you should call her because i'd be going crazy right now if i were you..but i have such little patience it's sad. I'm sorry this happened to you..i guess this is why they say that the boundary bewteen love and friendship is sometimes dangerous to cross..I hope everything works out for you! Welcome!! |
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CAP New Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 7 |
Well, I called her yesturday night.. when she picked up she sounded happy and surprised and told me she was just gonna call me.... Anyways I told her that I regret sending the poem to her, and she basically said don't regret it... she never told me how she felt or anything she just wanted to talk about things.. so Idunno!!! |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Very nice poem, CAP! Welcome to Passions. I know you're going to love it here. I really liked this poem, and I'm glad you called her! I bet she was waiting by the phone for it. Well done, and I'm looking forward to seeing you around here Good job. --Marie subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. |
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Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Hey, I enjoyed the poem but the situation sucks I hope she calls you back J and WELCOME to PASSIONS I am going to be looking for some more of your work so post soon. Until your next poem -- Linc "Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment." |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
Welcome to passions!! i'm glad you ended up calling her and i hope that everything works out for the best, it sounds like things are moving in the right direction. great job on this first post, i look forward to reading lots more of your work in the future. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!! I guess I'm alittle late, but I'm glad to see that things are starting to work out for you. You're in the right path. if she doesn't like you at all, believe me, she would've told you already. thanks for sharing "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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lonely*soul Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396east haddam (moodus) ct :) |
i always love to see new apiring poets in passions..yay!!!! anyways this was a good idea for a peom, but the rythem was a bit bumpy..but that could easily be fixed...but tohwer than that..awsome job and i hope to see more of your work soon! *KiM* |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Late as always!! Shame on me... I feel this was a really great display of emotion, and I'm waiting for more!! Good luck with the girl!! Jenn "I've come too close to happiness, to have it swept away,don't think I can take the pain, never fall again..." Janet |
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