»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #4
»
At least I won't try..
| Teen Poetry #4 |
|
At least I won't try.. |
|
|
Terryloveiris_85 Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 61The middle of nowhere |
this is my first poem and i just wanna know what you think. I won't hurt you, at least i won't try. I won't break your heart, at least I won't try. I won't play hard to get, at least I won't try. I won't make you cry, at least I won't try. I'll just try to love you. That I'll try. i'd give eternity to be by your side-goo goo dolls/City of Angels soundtrack |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Terryloveiris_85 - All Rights Reserved | |||
Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
 Welcome to Passions! I liked this! It's very sweet. Nicely done! I look forward to reading more. Keep writing, and keep sharing your work with us  Nice job! --Marie subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. [This message has been edited by Fading Away (edited 04-23-2001).] |
||
|
AngelPoet87 Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 280Indy |
Sweet poem, welcome to passions, looking forward to seeing more of your work soon! ~ali 2Good |
||
|
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Nice job! I do think that you could improve the poem by cutting down a bit on the repitition, maybe make it every third line instead of every second line... like "I won't hurt you, I won't break your heart, at least I won't try. I won't play hard to get, I won't make you cry, at least I won't try. I'll just try to love you. That I'll try." Get what I'm saying? Just a point of advice, the poem's idea is simple and a good one, I really do like it. But you have that critique flag up, so expect a few people giving you advice on ways to improve your poetry! Welcome to Passions. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
||
xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!! Im glad that you decided to join us and you did it with a wonderful first post!! Keep em coming!! |
||
|
MindlessPoet Member
since 2001-04-20
Posts 106Texas |
I liked it, but I agree with Allan that you might cut the repitition down some. But anyway, Welcome To Passions! *TiMMYBoY* |
||
|
anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
yea the repeatinthingee would best when done on every other line.. other then that i think u did very good.. and definitly a great first post.. andWELCOME to PASSIONS i hope u like it here  ...?death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins |
||
SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Welcome! Please check your e-mail for a special greeting!  SEA |
||
|
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Aww hey this is sweet! Welcome to Passions! I really hope you enjoy your stay here  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
||
|
Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!! This is a wonderful poem you've shared to us. You'll fit right in Hope you enjoy reading as well as sharing here in Passions for Poetry "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
||
|
luckyducky_505 Member
since 2001-04-29
Posts 53Kentucky, USA |
I really like it ....I can relate to it and I agree with Allan about the repition ...We're studying poetry in school right now and I got a "c" on a poem of mine cause of my repition. Love it though!!! [This message has been edited by luckyducky_505 (edited 04-30-2001).] |
||
|
Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Hiya! Welcome to Passions...great first post, can't wait for more! ~Carly "Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the self-same well from which your laughter rises was often-times filled with your tears." ~Kahil Gibran |
||
|
Suga_Baby Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380Maine, USA |
 WELCOME! This is so very cute and sweet Just like a doughnut! (Sorry I'm a bit hungry *LOL*) Keep posting, I'm looking forward to seeing more of your work!  "A dream is a wish your heart makes while you are fast asleep." |
||
|
Terryloveiris_85 Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 61The middle of nowhere |
Thanks all. Where do u get those little green guyz that bounce? ~IRIS |
||
|
banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
Welcome to passions!! sorry i didn't get here earlier, but i'm really gald i got a chance to read this. great job on your first post, i know you'll love it here. i look forward to reading lots more from you in the future. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
