forgetting is beyond my reach

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coalesce
New Member

since 2001-03-07

Posts 9
canada

0 posted 2001-04-22 03:48 AM

if watching hearts ache
and friends break
is the only thing that you ever intended for.
then i have fallen nothing but a meager victim
to your simplest of amusments.
if you could make me believe for one more minute,
maybe id break twice as hard.
im to self indulged in the thought
that i have found someone to sit back
and let life fall apart.
yet im easilier broken then pleased
and with all thats happened,
content is far beyond my reach.
if those three days has helped you any
in realizing your worth nothing
then im happy.
if your tears are brought from knowing
that you fuct this up,
then be happy
with the thought that you wont ever hear from me again.
if this was all up to me,
id throw you away in an instant
just to know you felt the same.
since ive laughed loud enough and hid long enough
then now its my turn to watch nothing more
then ache be brought upon myself.
ive lived the hopes of a dream
and stretched them to twice the size.
beyond reasonable repair my dreams are left
never to be mended and never to occur.
im left the desolate soul you made me.
hating every word that comes from your lips.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

1 posted 2001-04-22 04:08 AM

I enjoyed this. Nice to see you posting. You should come around more, but anyhow I liked the poem.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

2 posted 2001-04-22 05:09 AM

Not bad, I did notice some profanity in the first part of the second half though, which is against guidelines.
Keep that in mind.

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

3 posted 2001-04-22 05:23 AM

wow...left hating every word that comes from your lips....gosh..i am left speechless..
good poem though..

"Life is not long and boring,
it's short and compelling." -Javier Agosto-

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

4 posted 2001-04-22 05:23 AM

yea...
the poem was very good
but no profanity
u can express urself w/out it right?
yea...until ur next poem

...?

death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins

AngelPoet87
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 280
Indy

5 posted 2001-04-22 11:18 AM

Hey, great poem but I might make one quick suggestion, the eleventh line caught me and I think it might flow a little easier if it were changed from

"yet im easilier broken then pleased"
to
"yet i'm more easily broken than pleased"

but whatever floats your boat!!!

good job
~ali

2Good
+2Be
------
4Gotten

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