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cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

0 posted 2001-04-20 02:04 AM

ok this is really very bad..i want you guys to go at it like mad!

Huddling against the wall
Crushed and burning
Insides shattered by
Force.

The worlds spinning around
Colour and images
Words spitting out vehemently
Acrid.

Covering shoulders,face-breast
Stinging heart
Burned, scarred and judged beyond
Repair.

Stolen innocence
Raped and ravaged
Gone forever because you made it
So.

"Life is not long and boring,
it's short and compelling." -Javier Agosto-

[This message has been edited by cherish (edited 04-20-2001).]

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

1 posted 2001-04-20 02:29 AM

i liked the poem..but u described a situation that i hope u haven't gone thru..i feel bad that so many gurls has been or go thru this kind of thing

but if u did also i'm very sorry to hear as i wish the best for u...

...?

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-20-2001).]

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2001-04-20 02:54 AM

Aw Cherish, this is one horrible incident. You ok? I hope so. I enjoyed the poem HEAPS! hehehe

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

3 posted 2001-04-20 01:22 PM

Great poem! I enjoyed it!
Nicely done.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

4 posted 2001-04-20 07:47 PM

I really like the form, I thought it was original. In fact, I thought it was brilliant... maybe rewrite it with a rhyme scheme as well. I think it would look marvelous if, in each stanza, the three lines to precede the ending word all rhymed with one another.
Well done.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

5 posted 2001-04-20 10:23 PM

thanx for your comments guys..its helps a lot.

i cant believe you liked my format!!..heheh..i thought that that was one of my fallouts...but yeah i dont know how to ryhme my poems very well...i sorta just talk my way through them.
unfortunately i have to say that i HAVE been through it...but yes i have put it all behind me now..im ok javvie and AA..thanx for asking..

"Life is not long and boring,
it's short and compelling." -Javier Agosto-

Postman Pat
Junior Member

since 2001-08-05

Posts 23
The Great Land DownUnder

6 posted 2001-08-06 12:24 PM

Bebe,
This is really horrific!
It makes me angry with a certain someone very much indeed. If you need to talk a bit more you know where to find me babe.
About the poem-it made me too angry to actually like it.

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

7 posted 2001-09-07 03:00 PM

Hmm...there is more to this piece than meets the eye and it has me very angry all of a sudden. Ever need to talk? Dial 1-800 - Elizabeth

The piece itself was very powerful with a lot of emotion running through it. Keep smiling chicky.

~AF~

"Kelly's my Hero!" "No, Kelly's your heroine." "Kelly has heroin??" "What?"

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

8 posted 2003-03-04 11:38 AM

I can't believe I missed this one... wow. This is kind of crushing, very heavy and saddening but it is such a brilliant write.

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