today - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

0 posted 2001-04-19 01:54 AM

today i tore my heart out
because i failed to care
i looked inside to my nothingness
and lost my will to see

to see the lurking shadows
of this racing life i lead
to see the tender beginings
of this heartless life i have

lonely*soul
Member

since 2001-04-05

Posts 396
east haddam (moodus) ct :)

1 posted 2001-04-19 07:56 AM

i like it i like it alot!!! very cute you seem to be a pretty good writer...keep doing what ya do, check ya lata!
<3 *~KiMmIe~*

(wow that reply was cheesey!!! ah wellz)

" im surrounded by people, but yet im still all alone"

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

2 posted 2001-04-19 09:45 AM

This is a very good poem, and it's powerful despite the length. I enjoyed this a lot, and I'm looking forward to seeing more from you. Nicely done.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

Angel Bee
Member

since 2001-01-30

Posts 176
Virginia

3 posted 2001-04-19 10:03 AM

this is good. keep writing! :o)
~ab~

*~Sometimes just holding hands is holding on to everything.~*

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

4 posted 2001-04-19 11:41 AM

Quite interesting. I think it was misleading in that I expected it to rhyme for some reason, probably because of the rhythm and structure. Perhaps try this a second time with a simple rhyme, and see how it turns out.

Still a very nice poem.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-04-19 02:46 PM

I enjoyed it but it wasn't my fav of yours up till now. I think you could have done something better with this poem. Maybe on your next try a some ryhme. I'd like to see a ryhming poem from you.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.