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Teen Poetry #4
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Broken Heart
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Broken Heart |
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Rach813 Junior Member
since 2001-04-17
Posts 30Maine |
I thought I was over you, That's how it all seems. But I keep going back, To crush my own dreams. You fed me so many lines, That weren't even true. I can't stay away, I don't know what to do. You broke my heart once, You broke my heart twice. I guess it all depended, On the roll of the dice. I'm scared that I'll be hurt, Again like before. I don't think, I can hurt anymore. I know this is short, But there's no more to say. Just to pray and hope, You'll love me back one day. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Rachel - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Deranger Member
since 2000-05-10
Posts 498Somewhere, between here and there |
In my long and exceedingly bumby path of life, what i've learned about love is this (adapted from DILBERT!): "A love is like a parachute, if it's not there when you need it, odds are you won't be needing it again." What that dripple is supposed to mean is, sure it hurts but if you don't carryon, is just gonna get worse. Good luck and nice work. Spreading insanity, one post at a time |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Hope you do get the happiness everyone deserves. I do not understand though why you want to be with someone who's broke your heart a couple times already. But hey, it's your decision. You do express yourself nicely in the poems you write. I'm pretty impressed. Thanks for sharing "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
i thought the flow of this was really nice and the rhyme scheme was really well done. great job on this, i look forward to reading more. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Angel Bee Member
since 2001-01-30
Posts 176Virginia |
I know how you feel. Believe me life goes on, and the next person is even better than the first. I know what heart break is and I can relate very well with your poem. Just remember to be strong and it'll all be ok. If ya ever need to talk e-mail me. bhsbee2004@yahoo.com :o) keep writing! ~ab~ *~Sometimes just holding hands is holding on to everything.~* |
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fozzyozzy Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336Lessburg Virginia |
To me, love is like a crayon. You can't erase it or cover it with white-out(successfully). It just smears and snaps too quickly. Huh you say? It doesn't make much sense NOW, but just wait. Overall, I really like this poem. Keep'em coming! "The heart can think of no devotion |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
"You broke my heart once, You broke my heart twice. I guess it all depended, On the roll of the dice." That's my favorite stanza.. I thought it was a creative way to say it. I liked this poem a lot, Rachel. It has a very nice flow to it, and the thoughts are very well though-out, if that makes any sense. Very nice job... I'm looking forward to reading more from you in the future  Nicely done. --Marie subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
There was one stanza I really liked... but Marie already mentioned it!  Ah, well. Ditto to all that she said, and I'll add something of my own...The second to last stanza, the last two lines of it seemed to read aloud as though they could be one line instead of two. I think they could have been placed together, and another line added, as a way to improve flow. Great job still, this got me thinking. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
very sad poem here. I hope things get better for you.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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