Teen Poetry #4 |
What do you see? |
Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
When you look upon me, What do you see? Do you see beauty within, Or do you see only a bag of skin? Or maybe do you see, The helpless soul that I may really be? |
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© Copyright 2001 Staci Weidner - All Rights Reserved | |||
keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
This seems like a good start to a poem. I hope you weren't finished because I really think you need to add more to it. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Hey, I agree nice start I am looking forward to see it finished until then or your next poem -- Linc "Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment." |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I really think the idea of this poem could be expanded.. I liked the way you used that couplet at the very end, though. It really put a lot of power into what's there. Try to make it a little longer, though... --Marie subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Spine Grinder, I don't think you need to expand on this at all. There is already a great amount of strength in what you have written here. I like it short and sweet. Long poems sometimes lose the true meaning of the poem. Keep it like this. ~AF~ " Your mother's in here with us Karras. Would you like to leave a message? I'll see that she gets it." |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
I agree with Anonymous Female that this is great just as it is. Keep up the good work. <<_Andrew_>> " No Army can conquer a galaxy, yet faith alone can overturn the universe." |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
You'll be ok. I hope all is well. I know you're going through a rough time with this unrequited love business....but it'll pass eventually. Be strong. |
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