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keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

0 posted 2001-01-18 07:11 PM

I don't know where this one came from. I think I've been listening to too much Rap lately. Who knows

Hey girl, how long’s it been
What, really, that long, when
So what’s up, what’s been going on
How’s your life been since I’ve been gone
You’re with who now
I feel like a fool now
I came back to you now
So I’m screwed now
You did what, with who
No way, not you
How long you been with him
Not long enough to be sleeping with him
Pretty soon you’ll be creepin’ again
You’re out looking and I be losin’ sleep again
Wondering which is the next guy up to bat
Don’t think just draw the next name out the hat

I love her, she loves me, at least she said she did
But her love seems to go to the highest bid
Or the newest face with the biggest stack of green
She don’t do it on purpose, she ain’t trying to be mean
I gave it a try but now I got to go
I can’t stay around when you act like a… you know
What, you’re back, for good, this time for real
You say you love me but how am I to feel
I can’t pick up and run every time you want fun
You can’t run my life, baby I’m done
I give up, I could care less
There ain’t no woman worth this much stress
But you don’t care
So I don’t care
Cause this ain’t fair
So I’m outta here

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

1 posted 2001-01-18 07:33 PM

Well done! You don't need to take that!
You are nobody's toy, Keoni!
-Allan

Angel in Flight
Member

since 2001-01-07

Posts 381

2 posted 2001-01-18 07:39 PM

WOW powerful poem you have here. And as allan said, You dont need to take that! best of wishes and keep smiling
~Amanda~< !signature-->

To do anyting LESS then your BEST is to SACRIFICE the GIFT!!!

[This message has been edited by Angel in Flight (edited 01-18-2001).]

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

3 posted 2001-01-18 07:52 PM

hey i really liked this. Something different...but we needed something like that aroudn here. you should put it with music..it was really good

keep it up..and a little rap here and there doesnt hurt a thing

*dq

¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-01-18 10:12 PM

Wow, nice one here. I actually really liked this one. VERY good keoni!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

jeremydraul
Senior Member

since 2000-08-01

Posts 1118
State of Despair

5 posted 2001-01-18 10:16 PM

chika chika chika slim keoni
i loved this flow and style\
great one

~JDR

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

6 posted 2001-01-19 12:40 PM

I agree with DQ on that there definately is somethin different about your poem, but whatever it is it's a good thing! Great poem

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

7 posted 2001-01-19 01:55 PM

Thanks for the responses. I was hesitant with posting this one but then I realized that I had alot of fun writing it and I wanted to share it with someone.Definately a change of pace for me.
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

8 posted 2001-01-19 02:25 PM

Loved the flow of this, seemed a little rap-ish. Nice job

"I gave it a try but now I got to go
I can’t stay around when you act like a… you know"

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

9 posted 2001-03-17 11:55 PM

keoni, I'd like to print this in the 'Digital Passions' newsletter if you don't mind????

~sugarpie313~
Member

since 2000-09-14

Posts 375
Maine, USA

10 posted 2001-03-18 10:49 AM

OMG!!!!! I LOVE THIS!!!!!!! there's nothing here to critique.... i absolutely love the flow, and your points are made and there's no rambling like i tend to do (or am doing haha) this is MOS DEF goin in my lib!! you should write more like this!! AHH hehe great great job!

~*VALERIE*~

*Life can take your dreams and turn them upside down, Friends will talk about you when you're not around, but don't ever lose that light in your eyes*

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

11 posted 2001-03-19 10:07 AM

Thanks, I'm suprised, this piece still seems like a jumble of words out on paper.But thanks.
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

12 posted 2001-03-23 07:32 PM

anyone say TUPAC?

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

13 posted 2001-03-23 07:54 PM

This is an oldie in the forum

But a goodie. Great job.

--Marie

I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am.

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