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Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

0 posted 2001-04-13 03:11 PM

You thought that you knew the real me
But you only knew they person I let you see
Theres so much more that I just cant show
And as long as I dont tell, you will never know
Because you cant tell who I am by that way I appear
Even to me, by life is not yet clear
And I thought I knew who I was inside
But as usual, even to myself, I lied
Now I'm still trying to figure things out
And its built up in my mind, so high I want to whout
And everything I encounter just adds to my pain
It seems in this life I have nothing new to gain

So before you judge who I am inside,
Be sure to get to know the "me" I hide...

*If the only place I can live my dreams is in my sleep, then I'll sleep forever!*

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

1 posted 2001-04-13 03:27 PM

I liked this a lot. The couplet let go a bit of imformation though...you said you want this person to get to know the person you hide......well shouldn't you stop hiding if you actually want the person to get to know you? Just a thought....
anyhow, nicely done.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

2 posted 2001-04-13 03:57 PM

Very well done, I really enjoyed this and i understand that you want the person to get to know the real you not just the facade that you put up or the masquerade you create... I do agree with Javier though... stop hiding... people will appreciate the real you more than the false image you create... excellent poem though.
Andrew

" No Army can conquer a galaxy, yet faith alone can overturn the universe."

LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

3 posted 2001-04-13 05:45 PM

We all have aspects of ourselves that we feel we should hide, and you describe this well. I have to agree with the other replies, though. You should really make an effort to let your true self shine through. Thanks for sharing.

"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

4 posted 2001-04-13 06:08 PM

How can this person get to know the real you when you're hiding it. And when someone doesn't want to be known, they do make sure they don't. Maybe you have to open up a little more and at least give this person a chance . Just some insights

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

5 posted 2001-04-14 01:26 PM

Acire's right. Maybe you should open up a little more and let this person get to know the "real" you. The friendship might grow much more than you expected.
Nice job on this poem. I liked the way you used the couplet at the end. Good job.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

6 posted 2001-04-14 02:16 PM

great job here~ i really liked this. I tend to hide parts of me from people...wheres the fun in telling them everything about you..it takes away the mystery

but newho..keep posting

*dq

-=We often get hurt when we trust someone we want them to be instead of who they really are=-

Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

7 posted 2001-04-14 03:05 PM

well i think you should hide away in a shell.lol.....no dont do that...
if u want the person to know u....open up.
work on it...its hard but worth it...thats im trying and its working.

great work!
Regina

a small cut is only the beggining of a life in pain

CwboyAtHeart
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 541
Selah, WA, USA

8 posted 2001-04-14 04:31 PM

Wow... That was great. I can totally relate, and that really made me think... All too often we hide who we really are from people, trying to fit in. Often times, it's the real you that people like better, but yet you don't let that part of you show. Really liked the poem, great work.

- Cody

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

9 posted 2001-04-14 08:03 PM

I'm with Javier... the couplet let a bit too much out.

Other than that, well done.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

10 posted 2001-04-15 12:36 PM

Great format on this poem, sonnets are hard to write. i don't understand this whole letting to much slip in the couplet, i thought the ending was fine. anyway, keep posting all your work.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

11 posted 2001-04-15 08:27 PM

I absolutely LOVED this one!!!! Ahhhh great job!!! Loved it!!!!!!

lonely*soul
Member

since 2001-04-05

Posts 396
east haddam (moodus) ct :)

12 posted 2001-04-15 08:40 PM

sounds like we got alot in common (ive been noticing that with alot of the poetry on here) anyways awsome job...hope to see more stuff from you!!
<3 kim

" im surrounded by people, but yet im still all alone"

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